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"HEY!!! HEY!!! PERHAPS I SHOULD NOT HAVE PURCHASED A $4000 ROAD BICYCLE AFTER ALL!!!"
SKULLGAME'S RESIDENT NAZI HEINRICH BIMMLER PLAYER HATES ITALIAN SAL PACINO OUTTA POON, SELF-RESPECT. SAYS, "WHO VAS HE FOOLING, TRYING TO ACT WHITE?"
AN ARTIST'S DEPICTION OF BIMMLER'S TREATMENT OF THE UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED SKULLGAME MAN CODE
THE SKULLGAME MAN CODE
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Unless they are GAY.
2. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. Unless you're busy banging his old lady in which case, you must bail him out immediately after banging his old lady.
and the one most germane to this public hearing,
4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B.S. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent). Interfering in said sharing of anecdote for the express purpose of cock-blocking a bro whilst and especially when you, yourself have guaranteed pussy, is anathema and an earmark of quasi-gayness.
5. No man is never required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay. Even if you ARE gay.
NOW on to the stenographer sluts original deposition.
HEINRICH: I vas at ze Ruby Sky mit meine bitch "Chris". She ist very muscular und hast had her period for months now, so das ist the reason for ze anal sex, when ve spotted the Italian dwarf, ITALIAN SAL'S PACINO. He vas talking und laughing with ze flower of White womanhood...he's talking about Friends und lying about moving to ze Marina and acting Whiter zenn legitimately White aryans like myself. Vell, it vas too much. I stepped over and sufficiently prevented any sort of race traitoring occurring on meine vatch!!! He vas angry, but not nearly as angry as I was back in 1944 when ze Italian army knifed Germany in ze back.
ITALIAN SAL PACINO: Goddamn, that motherfucker. I'm sitting there with this slut dental hygienist. Making OK time. And then I see in the reflection of my glass the world's smallest horror movie: Heinrich skipping toward me. Next thing I know he's going on about "why do you act like you don't know me?" and did she know that "Italians are really Arabs, which are a variant of sand nigger." Now, all of that was essentially true, but that doesn't change the fact that I went from possibly getting pussy to definitely NOT getting pussy all as a direct result of his Aryan inter-fucking-vention. And insult to injury? He got laid. Albeit with the manbeast he calls a girlfriend. But laid, nonetheless. Me? Grimly masturbated in a sock. I rest my fucking case.
Our own JUDGE ROY BEAN will render a summary judgement on Weds.
CRAZY BITCH REFLECTS ON LIFE RIDDLED WITH CRAZY BITCHISMS IN SKULLGAME EXCLUSIVE; REPENTS MOMENTARILY BEFORE RESUMING FAKING PREGNANCIES, HURLING ASHTRAYS ACROSS THE ROOM, AND MAKING COPIES OF OUR HOUSE KEYS WHILE WE ARE PASSED OUT ON HER XANAX.
AMY FISHER, FAMED LONG ISLAND LOLITA, RESPONDS TO JUDGE ROY BEAN'S CRAIGSLIST AD FOR FUCKING MOUTHS AND THEN SHUTTING THEM WITH THIS GLAMOUR SHOT FORESHADOWING ALL THAT SOON WILL BE--NAMELY, SOBBING THROUGH COURT PROCEEDINGS AND GETTING HER SNIZZ BUSTED OUT IN SOME MECHANICS GARAGE, BOTH BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS, INDEFINITELY.
SCOTTSDALE (SkullGame) -- Between strategically placed crocodile tears, a nauseating amount of self-pity, and what sounded to be Tori Amos songs, JUDGE ROY BEAN caught up with an undisclosed crazy fucking bitch late Friday night via phone from her Scottsdale, AZ condominium, which may or may not be listed under the name Michelle Sharp, to discuss briefly what happens when you give a finger that's attached to a whole hand. To a slut. A disturbed, crazy-as-a-shithouse-rat, going-through-your-cellphone, breaking-into-your-apartment, fucking slut.
"Do you remember the time we drove all the way down Highway 1 to LA and stopped to make love on the beach in the middle of the night, or the time we had the entire restaurant in Brown County shut down for us and the chef cooked us that awesome meal? Do you remember how much fun we used to have, baby?"
"Yeah, those were good times. You remember the first night we started to fall for each other, when you came to that show I was playing? I grabbed onto your arm, all sweaty and nasty, and told you that you were staying with me for the rest of the night because you were the only person in the entire place that smelled good?"
"Oh yeah. I remember you were so hot. I remember wearing the "pink thing" for you. That was always your favorite after that..."
"Yeah, that was a great night. I had been into you forever. I was so nervous..."
"Oh, I miss you so much. I can't believe it. I've never been able to get you out of me..."
"Y'know, I think about you still to this day, at least once a day. It's kinda scary. It's been years, and the memories are still fresh..."
"I want to see you."
"You should come up and visit me sometime, you're not that far away."
"I'd love to. Hey, you remember the time we went to "the store" and bought the butterfly, and then I wore it in public and gave you the controller and you kept turning it on everytime I was trying to have a conversation with somebody, hahahaha..."
"Yeah, you remember the time we got snowed in for 2 days and I got so sick and you took care of me. I couldn't lay flat on my back without choking on my own snot and you just sat there rubbing my hands while we watched movies and I blabbed on and on about how much I wanted to die?"
"Awww. I didn't even care if I got sick. You always took care of me, baby, it was the least I could do..."
"Yeah, or the time we went to Osco's cause you had womanly issues and I told the lady behind the counter that we didn't know if it was a biscuit or a baby, but we needed some serious help."
"I was so pissed. That was embarrassing."
"Yeah, it was. You remember the time you were cheating on me with your ex boyfriend and he and I got into that huge fight outside of your apartment and I pulled his shunt halfway out and you were screaming 'stop it, stop it'?"
"..."
"...or those times you used to break into my apartment while I was asleep and use your sexuality as a weapon. I guess when all you have is a hammer, all your problems start to look like nails."
"...*sob*..."
"...or what about that time I told you you were getting fat and you told me I was going to hell..."
"*click*"
"Hello..."
"*silence*"
"Are you still going to come visit me?"
OJ SIMPSON SEX VID...MURDEROUSLY SEEEXXXYYY!!!
WHAT'S BLACK, WHITE, AND RED ALL OVER? RON GOLDMAN STABBED 13 TIMES, THAT'S WHAT!!! SEXY SEXY SEXY.
FLORIDA (SkullGame) -- OJ SIMPSON is at the center of a new sex tape controversy following claims from a porn promoter that he caught the former football star in a threesome.
David Hans Schmidt is selling the footage he states features Simpson on the Internet, but Simpson insists the guy in the video isn't a murderer, nor is the guy in the video him.
While Simpson's lawyer Yale Gallanter confirms Simpson was with ex-girlfriend Christie Prody and Playboy model Patty Kuprys on the night the video was shot in March 2001, he insists the tape is fake. Because Simpson was out that night, looking for his wife's killers.
The attorney says, "This tape is garbage and we can prove it. OJ wouldn't do anything like this."
NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON, PICTURED ABOVE, AS SHE APPEARED AT THE END OF AN ALTOGETHER ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THREESOME VIDEO.
But Schmidt, the man behind COLIN FARRELL's recent sex tape controversy, insists, "OJ is welcome to say that's not him on the tape ... like he's welcome to say that he didn't knife fuck his ex-wife and her boyfriend, or that Barretta didn't shoot that trailer trash ex-wife of his in the head, or that President Bush was running down gooks with an M-16 outside of Saigon in 1972, but there's no question in my mind that the real OJ is having sexy sex sex on this tape. While, it should be noted, he searches for his wife's killers."
AND REMEMBER: AT SKULLGAME WE LOVE RACE MIXING!!!!!!!!
"MMMMMMM....MMM...GOOD......WHITE WOMEN!!!!"
