Because we are blessed with good looks, talent, and balls like Buicks, we decided that it was time to make good on the adage "to whom much is given, much is forgiven."

And so we formed a charitable giving organization, heretoforistically known as TEAMING UP FOR GODDAMNED AMERICA. Please read on and be inspired by our example. -- THE EDITORS, MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME

HOW SKULLGAME IS...HELPING...THOSE MUCH LESS FORTUNATE

CAN YOU HELP ME SKULLGAME?

SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- In a shocking move designed to confound supporters and detractors alike, the operators of MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME, known more for generalized ridicule and non-specific abuse than for giving a fuck about anything, formed a majorly endowed charitable organization today.

"We just got tired of sitting around and watching no one doing anything about it," said SkullGame's VINNIE ROSE. "With TEAMING UP FOR GODDAMNED AMERICA whether you need a nice warm winter coat. Or a meal (quesadilla). Or just a shoulder to lean on, you will find it in abundance here. All of those things. In spades.

Along with a Double Teaming."

YOU BET WE CAN!!!

When pressed, the phlegmatic Rose explained, "for too long women without means to support themselves wondered where the next meal was coming from and if they would even have a place to live. Now they wonder no more because they know they can come, any hour of the day and night, to SKULLGAME HOUSE and get the quiet understanding, and Double Teaming, that they need for as long as they need it provided that they don't need it too far beyond the actual extraction of semen. Need to use a washing machine? Fine. Use it. While getting Double Teamed. Need some help filling out tax forms? Beautiful. We will Double Team you while you wait. Because, very simply, no one else is."

THANK YOU SKULLGAME!!!!!

No. Thank YOU.

JESSICA LYNCH NUDE? GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING SONUVABITCH, WHY DIDN’T THEY RESCUE THAT SNAPPER SOONER?

At MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME we adhere to the strictest standards of journalistic accuracy, excellence and cruelty. Moreover we seek to apply our slapdash standards of abuse, half-truths, and outright calumny to all the spurious news that’s fucking fit to print and so in the spirit of everything MACK, we bring you some slut who, if not actually JESSICA LYNCH in her now-famous LARRY FLYNT owned nude shot, well she’s close enough to make us repair to the SKULLGAME JERKITORIUM to yank one off for our other brave men and women who are dying every day so that this bitch can make a million bucks for crashing her Hummer.

Jesus H. Fucking Christ.

If crashing your car with a gun in the front seat followed by 3 weeks of being high on Demerol makes you a goddamned hero, then MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME should be a designated national fucking monument.

But we digress.

Forthwith: A GODDAMNED NAKED AMERICAN HERO!!!!

WHAT BECOMES AN AMERICAN LEGEND MOST? $87 BILLION, TWO TITS, A SMILE, AND ALL THE DEMEROL YOU CAN SLAM

AND the SkullGame personal of the week was forwarded to us by Musashi. While the engrish is not the best, you probably get the fucking point. Help this motherfucker. Help him. By sending snack foods. Or something.

Japanese Transsexual R&B singer Looking for some Help

...ANY KIND OF HELP AT ALL.....

Reply to: comm-143084284@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-18, 4:36PM

I am a Japanese transsexual finger, from East New York, Brooklyn.

I was doing my demo and my picture to be shopped.

But about 2 years ago, I was robbed and raped.

And then 10 months later, I was raped robbed kidnapped and assulted in the same time again.

And then one more time was I robbed, raped, tied, tortured, and traumaed.

Due to the incidents, I got a Majpr Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, so there was no choice but i had to stop what i was doing.

aAnd dur to the mental sickness I became not to be able to work, so I have to move places to places...while I was doin ghtat, I lost my music, photos and my contact with my people that were helping me.

I wanna get back on track and start anew.

If you are producer, songwriter, studio owner, composer etc...and could help me gettin back to the business, that would be appraciated.

I appraciate any help I could get.

Please get back to me.

Thanks for the reading.

Help is on the way Musashi. The only kind of help a DAVE DIETRICH can give. Penis help.

IF YOU EVEN KNOW WHO STAR JONES IS, THE FACT THAT HER TITS HAVE EXPLODED IN NO WAY MITIGATES YOUR EXTREME HOMOSEXUALITY.

BEFORE?!?! AFTER?!?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING US!!!!

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- TV host STAR JONES Reynolds has undergone cosmetic surgery to have her rather large and pendulous breasts lifted, in the vain hope that it will, in some way, ameliorate her otherwise outstandingly macabre attributes that have in total contributed to staffers nicknaming her "Beefalo" and/or "Snuffaluffagus."

The recently married co-presenter of ABC's The View has spoken out about her procedure following reports her elective breast lift procedure went wrong and she suffered "critical complications. Namely: giant killer tits. Wandering the savannahs. Wild. And dangerous."

Sources close to Jones Reynolds claim she was taken to Santa Monica, Calif.'s Saint John's Health Center, where she underwent a blood transfusion on Friday night. The "View" star's husband, Al Reynolds, also found himself in hospital over the weekend, after suffering two lacerations to his head after slipping while fleeing, or attempting to, at the gym.

NEWSFLASH: Bethesda resident Cathy Gallagher created a recent line of greeting cards called the Secret Lover of Ho's collection. The new greeting cards speak to ho's, ho couples and all manner of ho's in affairs or involved in other such like ho activities. Inspired by her almost Chinee level of industry, we at SkullGame are launching OUR own line of cards, completely in keeping with the established principles of ITALIAN SALANETICS. They are only $10 postpaid and well worth the price when you consider that no other line of memorables so completely addresses the average man's load needs.

THE "JOSEFINA"

APPROPRIATE FOR JUST ABOUT ANY EVENT WHERE YOU WANT TO SAY "SAUSAGE". RECOMMENDED: FUNERALS. BAR MITZVAHS.

THE "SKANK"

NOTHING QUITE SAYS "THANKS FOR COMING. ON MY CHIN." LIKE THE "SKANK." PERFECT FOR: ANNIVERSARIES, PROMS.

THE "ANAL-AMERICAN PRINCESS EXTRAORDINAIRE" OR THE "APE"

NAMED AFTER KATHY WOODS, THE APE IS ONE OF OUR BEST SELLERS YET. EXPERTS AGREE: THERE AIN'T NO WAY TO PUT IT SUBTLE, WHEN YOU WANT THE BUTTHOLE.

We are truly excited about being able to help people say more succinctly what they've always wanted to say anyway. And according to a proud ITALIAN SAL, "Load on the face? Remember me?" said Salvatore. "I'm Vinnie's friend. Load on the face? How are things? Load on the face. I heard you were moving to Cali. Load on the face? Load on the face, Load on the Face, Load on the face? Anyhow, hope to see you at next UFC in Vegas. Load on the face?"

ITALIAN SALANETICS: "IT'S ALMOST LIKE FLYING."

Attn: Struggling Students!!!

SFSU, USF, Cal... hell, City College, probably?

400 level Trigonometry finals got you down?

Can't quite make it through the Canterbury Tales?

Are you attending to the daily academic grind simply because it's an adherence to social norms? Did your socio-economic status get you through the admissions door, but leave you wondering exactly how to achieve your ultimate goals of being successful? Perhaps outside factors are impeding you from making the grade, leaving you in what feels like a day-to-day struggle than only gets worse during these stressful times where the imminence of finals week converges with the impending doom of the holidays?

We know what it's like to feel overwhelmed by academic expectations; what it's like to be the victim of standardized testing procedures that don't necessarily measure potentiality or, for that matter, actuality.

And that's why we at the Skullgame Research Facilities® have poured our hearts and souls, not to mention innumerable man-hours, into developing this brand new biological breakthrough elixir specially formulated to improve your scholastic performance so that you too can exceed expectations and succeed in all your academic endeavors.

And the best part? It's available now at a special trial of $0.00! You heard us: Free! With no further obligations!

Tell you more? We'd love to.

Learning Loads® is a non-surgical procedure--an orally administered, twice daily dose of synthetic smartness guaranteed to propell you towards the profession of your choice. And due to it's all natural ingredients, it's a 100% safe concoction.

Absent are the horrible side-effects of dangerous, oft-abused study drugs such as Adderall, Ritalin and Crystal Methamphetamine. In a double-blind clinical study, esteemed researchers from John Hopkins University found that Learning Loads® is five times less likely to cause unwanted side effects than a single cup of coffee. In fact, they even found that Learning Loads® doubles as an effective protein supplement.

Don't believe us? Well read our users testimonials, taken from a pool of some of the most accomplished professional women of our day:

Marilyn Vos Savant (MENSA Member): "Before Learning Loads® I was just a regular old bubbleheaded bitch who couldn't balance a goddamned checkbook, let alone move outside of velcro shoes. But since I began a strict supplementary regimen of Learning Loads®, I've went on to achieve, nay, SURPASS all of my goals. And my skin is so smooth as well! Thank you Learning Loads®!"

Geena Davis (Actress): "I was worthless. Absolutely fucking worthless. With no direction, no real ambition in life. I was addicted to Books On Tape and everytime I came across a barrier in my life I would just sit there and cry and annoy the shit out of everyone that surrounded me. But now, thanks to Learning Loads®, my career has really taken off. I've been in every single Stuart Little movie, and even got to sit next to Jeff Goldblum in that famous scene in the Fly when he vomits on the donut. And guys pay so much more attention to me now that they know I swear by Learning Loads®. It's amazing!"

Hillary Clinton (New York Senator): "I had taken both the Arkansas and the Washington, D.C., bar exams during the summer, but my heart was pulling me toward Arkansas. When I learned that I had passed in Arkansas but failed in D.C., I thought that maybe my test scores were telling me something. Like I was fucking stupid. Like I would be better off just strapping on a hockey helmet and tethering myself to the radiator. Or maybe be a bit more of a ball-busting bitch, a bit more of a total ice queen and force my husband to cheat on me. Then I discovered Learning Loads®, and have since shot to the top of my game. And my mouth didn't even cramp up once! I love you Learning Loads®!"

It's true: Learning Loads® is all-results, zero-hype. Are you still skeptical? Reply to this posting and we here at Skullgame Research Facilities® will send one of our highly trained product specialists out to give you a free, no-strings-attached personal evaluation complete with a thorough physical examination to best address your needs and help decide if Learning Loads® is for you. So what are you waiting for? With Learning Loads® you have nothing to loose, but gallons to gain!

Learning Loads®: Beacuse Sucking Us Off Is The Smartest Thing You Will Ever Do.

STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR REACTIONS OF FEAR, ANGER AND DISMAY. AND JOY. BUT MOSTLY FEAR, ANGER AND DISMAY.

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