BUT first a HEINRICH BIMMLER Public Service Announcement for the Greater Tri-State Area....
"BITTE SCHOEN...IF YOU WOULD, COULD YOU HELP ZE NEGRO RAPIST FIND ZE NEGRO RAPIST."
"I THINK IT WAS A CABAL OF JEWS," SAYS RUMSFELD ABOUT HIS RECENT FIRING. WHEN REMINDED THAT HE HIMSELF IS A JEW HE CONCLUDED, "I TOLD YOU SO."
"LEMME SEE IF I CAN EXPLAIN IT TO YOU IN A LANGUAGE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND CONDI: FO SHIZZLE, MY BIZZLE."
WASHINGTON, DC (SkullGame) -- DONALD RUMSFELD, former Princeton wrestler, in an immediate post-firing SkullGame exclusive, sat down with wrestler VINNIE ROSE and discussed his rapid dispatch post-midterms, the cabal of Jew enemies "and bitches" allied against him, and his general distaste for that "Nigra Powell."
VINNIE ROSE: You are unemployed. Do you get unemployment insurance?
DONALD RUMSFELD: You think the Jews are going to give me MONEY?
VR: Well do you get to keep the tschotkes?
DR: And that would be Jew talk for...?
VR: Six years into the war, 3000 dead Americans, over a trillion dollars in the hole and Iraq is still a murderous hotbed of murderers. Quite a record of accomplishment, sir.
DR: Listen to me you fucking guinea, it's EASY to lose a trillion dollars when you hang around Jews. E-Z. But lissen, lest you think me MEL GIBSON-esque I must also say that there's plenty o' blame to go around as the House Nigras, Condi and Colin? Well, the less said about their gross dereliction of non-fried chicken related duties, the better. And Ol' Georgie boy's been drinking again, but I think the point is more than clear: your pricks don't deserve me. So, good luck with that whole angry towelhead thing. I'll be fishing offa Boca if you need me.
MATCH.COM, SWEAT PANTS & THE OVERWEIGHT JEW BROADS WHO LOVE THEM: AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORT BY ITALIAN SAL.
"I ALSO HAVE A YEAST INFECTION."
In case of emergency break glass.
I remember watching an episode on Seinfeld years ago; it was the one where George started wearing sweat pants. Do you remember that one? It was pretty fucking funny. In that episode Jerry asks, as well as, tells George,
"Do you know what thats telling people? It says: I give up-"
And its true! Often our actions, or inactions, belie our true feelings or needs; a teenager in Los Angeles gives away all his CDs and video games prior to attempting suicide, a middle-aged factory worker from Omaha, Nebraska takes a vacation to Tahiti, runs up his credit cards and immediately upon his return goes on a poorly planned killing spree at his work place in which his final victim was himself.
In case of emergency break glass.
Signs, precursors, omens of things to come, whatever the fuck you want to call them; they are all around us, all the time. I would venture a guess that most single men who join pay dating sites, like say Match.com, are in fact advertently, or inadvertently, telling the world and everyone around them, I give up.
I can no longer find a woman who can stand to be around me for longer then it takes to get through a line at a supermarket or a light to change on a street corner, so I give up. Not unlike the kid giving
away his CDs or the old fat fuck running off to some far off Island and blowing his life savings, Match.com is just as much a red flag as the first two. It says, hey everyone, I need HELP- I give up!
In case of emergency break glass.
The only difference in the case of Match.com is, you break the glass and rather then an alarm or fire hose or flare gun, all you're stuck with is a poker playing chimp wearing sweat pants who complains about 20 pounds of weight gain, a yeast infection and an affection for horrible poetry [hers]; great for a few laughs at a party, but hardly useful for its intended purposes.
In case of Emergency break glass.
TURKISH NATIONAL SUES “BORAT” CREATOR IN POCKET-FUCKING DEBACLE; “WHICH CAME FIRST”, NATION-STATE OF ISRAEL IS LEFT WONDERING, IN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS, “THE JEW OR THE EGG?”—A JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORT.
MAHIR CAGRI, 44, CONTEMPLATES “AGE OF CONSENT” LAWS IN REGARDS TO LIVESTOCK “REARING” BEFORE DEDUCING THAT A MAN WHO CANNOT MOVE BEYOND VELCRO SHOES CANNOT BE LIABLE FOR HURT FEELINGS. “THERAPY OF TEN YEARS AND BIG STITCHING WILL FIX. GREAT SUCCESS!” CAGRI CONCLUDES WHILE ISLA FISHER NODS SOLEMNLY ON.
ANKARA (SkullGame) –A Turkish Internet celebrity who has long been suspected by many as being the inspiration for satiric sensation Sasha Baron Cohen’s outrageous “Borat” character is seeking an apology, and acknowledgement of “filthy Jewery,” from the comedian, claiming that Cohen has “a done it with my anus” by refusing to credit the man as a primary influence in the forging of the mock-Kazakh journalist’s persona.
Woman-hitter Mahir Cagri created a personal Web site complete with photos of himself “make with a bathing suit, play the ping pong, shoot dog, accordion, travel and beat the Armenian” for what he tells SkullGame reporters was “raping purpose” in late 1999, imploring women to “kiss me, but not on mouth. High five!” and was propelled to e-stardom shortly thereafter--ranking #2 on CNET’s 2005 Top 10 Web Fads, and placing on PC Magazine’s 2006 25 Worst Web Sites list, as well as being parodied on Fox’s Mad TV and CBS’ Late Show with David Letterman.
Cohen’s character first appeared in the form of Albanian reporter Kristo in 1994, but was refined to the even more eccentric, farcical Borat in early 2000. Nonetheless, Cohen claims the inspiration for Borat was from a Russian doctor he met in the early 90s. "I can't remember his name," Cohen said before retreating to freebase pennies and, as Cagri charges, “make a ‘rub-rub-rub’ to bank photo.”
“Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” opened at the number one box office slot, despite only being released on less than 1,000 screens nationwide, and has grossed $67.8 million in less than 10 days while Cagri, 44, has reportedly sat at his Izmir home, virtually income-less, desperately trying to figure out how he keeps managing to knock his sister up even though, as he tells SkullGame officials, “I put in the hole that make a shit smell the worse.”
Cagri’s proposed suit seeks compensation for largely unspecified damages--most of which appear to revolve around his late, trusty yak Emre, who succumbed to “damaging” after what Cagri says “was kicking accident”--and “doing friends” with Cohen, who Cagri is convinced can help him “make romance on woman’s jaw.”
"The world knows he is copying Mahir," Cagri told The Associated Press reporters in a telephone interview last Monday before heading to Istanbul for a talk show appearance about "I am not saying this; the world is. I have received many e-mails from peoples in the US and A who tells me ‘the Jew is a you.’ He is imitating me; he is making money by using me. It is part of, how you say, international Jew conspiracy. Just like the MEL GIBSON say."
