Ninn Worx
Rating: THREE "Han Solo" BUSTED NUTS
Ah, what a welcome change this makes to midget porn and graphic Japanese bukkake – 20 genuinely foxy bitches enjoying the pleasure of their own company, all captured in glorious hi-def for my masturbatory guilt. Let’s just hope the disc lives up to the quality of the cover art. It’s laminated sheen is almost a wank fantasy in itself.
"HI. MY NAME IS GEORGIA ADAIR. AND I AM ABOUT TO SELF-PLEASURE MYSELF. AND AS A RESULT OF EVEN THINKING THE PHRASE 'SELF-PLEASURE' HAVE YOU STARTED TO FEEL GAY YET? OH. YOOOOOOOU WILL."
Okay, here’s the deal – if soft-focus, well-lit, high-budget dirt with nary a cock in sight isn’t your cup of earl grey, then this shit ain’t gonna set your pubic hair on fire. Thankfully I’m more than happy to see expensive-looking pussy having some solo fun, and for that, this DVD is – as Cartman would say – totally tits. Girls such as KATSUMI, GEORGIA ADAIR, SUE DIAMOND, KELLY TAYLOR – these are immaculate women who know they’re hot, and are more than happy to get their fingers wet to prove it. The comedy voiceovers do often get in the way of one’s enjoyment, I mean I’m here to watch 20 bitches get a high surf mark around their wrist, not to hear their inner monologues. It’s porn, not Alan Bennett. I’ll forgive it though, as the so-called ‘plot’ does seem to be a staple of the high budget flicks, despite the fact that Harry Knowles is hardly likely to post a review of this particular feature and it’s characterization merits on aintitcool.com.
However, despite the immense array of perfect bodies and dazzling paychecks behind this project, some sections are a little on the short side – as if the girl’s hand got tired, or the cameraman was struggling to pull his focus, as well as his cock, so simply called it a day. Plus on more than one occasion they come off like college media studies films, countless video filters obscuring the true glory of SHY LOVE's tits, for instance. But I’m a sucker for this shit, it makes me laugh… and makes my reviews easier to write! -- TEABAG
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