BUT first....a SkullGame Public Service Announcement..."Have you seen me? I am a Gay Expert named GREG. When last seen I was gaying around near Liverpool, England somewhere checking out all things gay and rumors of gay things whilst looking for a love that will warm the cockles of my....um, heart....."
...AND ASS. IF YOU SEE ME & MY UNREVIEWED SKULLGAME VIDEOS, COULD YOU DIRECT ME UP OFF OF YOUR PENIS & BACK TO IN FRONT OF MY TV SCREEN SO I CAN MYSELF AVOID HAVING SKULLGAME'S ASS MUNCHING READERS EMAILING ME AT ADVINHIFI@HOTMAIL.COM. THANKS.
PAULA ADBUL LIES ABOUT BAR ATTACK. TALENT. AND EXTANT PENIS.
"I'VE GOT A LITTLE, DIRTY SECRETTTTT....AND IT RHYMES WITH SPOCCCCKKKKK...."
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- American Idol judge PAULA ABDUL [aka ABDULLA FATWA] has been accused of fabricating claims she was attacked at a private party earlier this month, that there are any significant signs of talent on or near her person and that that lump snaking its way between her legs is really a heavy flow tampon and not a penis.
The former pop singer, who was enjoying a night out at Los Angeles hotspot Xenii, alleged Jim Lefkowitz "grabbed her by the arm and threw her against a dirty Jew wall" according to Los Angeles police spokeswoman April Harding, sister of TONYA.
But Lefkowitz insists he has not been called in for questioning because Abdul's accusations are entirely unfounded and his lawyer Michael Nasatir, non-Jew, tells SkullGame, "The press accounts of the so-called altercation between Jim Lefkowitz and Paula Abdul at Xenii last Sunday morning are as completely outrageous and utterly false as her assertion that she prefers ass sex to 'vaginal' sex because she's having her period. Mr. Lefkowitz did not have an argument with Ms. Abdul after discovering she's really a man, nor did he have any physical contact with her whatsoever after playing The Crying Game. He was merely an innocent bystander at an unfortunate, EDDIE MURPHY-ESQUE incident."
Abdul was said to have suffered concussion and spinal injuries as a result of the attack.
Sources tell the Web site she concocted the elaborate story to cover up her eviction from the club for drunken behavior. And a penis. Hers.
MICHAEL 'FLEA' BALTHAZARY [HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SPELL THAT PRICKS NAME AGAIN?] IN FULL BLOWN FAG ATTACK. WITH A SPECIAL EMPHASIS ON BLOWN.
FLEA VAG'ING OUT WITH A VENGEANCE. THE TEXT IN THE UPPER RIGHT CORNER SAYS "GAY STUFF GAY STUFF GAY STUFF BAD MUSIC AND EVEN MORE GAY STUFF YOU GO GIRL!!!"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Red Hot Chili Peppers assist, er, bassist FLEA snapped and hurled insults at a journalist, tried to slap him silly, snapped his fingers, and began wildly "vogueing" during an interview yesterday.
The rocker lost his temper when the reporter repeatedly quizzed him about a reported rift with bandmate and life partner John Fusciante.
Flea writes on his blog, "I was talking to this man and he kept asking me about (a past interview) where I said that there was a lot of tension between John and I on the last record what on account of butt touchery. I answered the questions and tried to explain how sometimes things are hard but then they can really come along. Hard. And fast and even get better. But he kept talking about the part that was hard and I thought he didn't care about the part that comes next, the liberation and rebirth that made it better than ever. And the cigarette in bed.
"I told him that I was getting angry about it, that it was accomplishing nothing. And that is strange because I never get angry in interviews. I get bored sometimes but never angry. Anyways I started getting angry and next thing I know I started yelling and seeing red and I threw my bottle against the wall and hurled insults at him and sashayed out of the room.
"Then I calmed down and came back and we finished the interview but I was damn angry.
"I have never done that before. Just like those sailors. And that TV repairman. And the Jehovah's Witness. And the waiter from that kicky littls sushi joint on Melrose. I think it is partly because I felt like a magazine article that came out recently only concentrated on the negative in the most shallow sensationalist way and that I was misquoted. I snapped and blew up and I am not proud of it.
"Did I mention that I eat sausage? The kind with balls attached? Oh. Well, nevermind. "
RICH NIGRA CHAPPELLE CITES RICH NIGRA FUCK YOU STATUTE FOR SHOW WALK OUT
"FUUUCCCCKKKK YOU, YOU SERB MOTHERFUCKER, YOU...."
OHIO (SkullGame) -- In his 38th different take, funnyman and Rich Negro entertainer DAVE CHAPPELLE cited anti-Croatian racial prejudice for his abrupt walk-out from hit comedy series The Chappelle Show last year.
The stand-up comedian made headlines in May 2005, June 2005, August 28th, 2005, November, December and January 2006 and February 13, 2 p.m., 2006 when he proffered yet another reason why he quit the show on US network Comedy Central during the third season, leaving behind a drive-a-nigga-crazy $50 million contract.
He was eventually tracked down in South Africa where he said he had gone to "purify himself in the rivers of Lake Minnetonka," and "do some soul searching. Or soul food. Or which ever comes first" because he was unhappy with the direction in which the show was going vis a vis anti-Croat sentiment.
Chappelle tells Esquire magazine, "The bottom line was, non-Croat's own everything, and where can a Croat, or even a black person go and be himself or say something that's familiar to him and not have to explain or apologize?
"I felt like I was really pressured to settle for something that I didn't necessarily feel like I wanted in the way of cash money not in a currency that would come in handy in Sbrenica.
"The thing about show business is that, in a way, it forces dysfunctional relationships in people.
Heil Hitler."
MAX HARDCORE ON PISS DRINKING YOUR WAY TO BETTER HEALTH
LIKE MARY TYLER MOORE, LOVE IS ALL AROUND HIM. LOVE. LOVE, URINE & ROOFIES.
Max Hardcore is concerned for our health.
"How much water do you drink a day?" He asks.
We're not sure. So we point to one of the small plastic bottle of water he's got near him at all times -- bottles that Costco has made a killing off of him, if the stacks and stacks of the bulk product around his mega-pad are any indication. "Dunno. A couple of those?"
"See, that's not enough," he answers. "You gotta be drinkin' like 8-10 of these a day. Get into the habit of drinking one during whatever you do. Like, if you're sitting at the computer, just drink one down without stopping."
Noted.
But let's rewind. We went to see Max "Hardcore" Steiner [aka Paul Little…no shit] at his fuck mansion in Southern California. What we got was the full tour. If you've seen Max's movies, you'll probably already recognize a bunch of the places in his house, like the driveway. 'Launchpad' might be a better description, as the actual entrance to the house seems like it's about 100 feet above where the driveway starts. We walked up the monolithic concrete steps and found ourselves in front of the famous door that is the source of so many of Max's video setups.
"Come on in. We're upstairs."
Cue Rusty. He's Max's dog. He might be cute if he weren't always trying to tear your shoes off. Luckily, he's about 10 pounds.
We notice the trademark, canary yellow leather couch almost as immediately as we saw Max, coming down the stairs, hand outstretched, cowboy hat in place. Max leads us to the third and top floor to his office --which is often featured in the movies when girls get interviewed -- where he's got various awards from his movies, as well as a mini-library of some of his titles, neatly organized. On one bookshelf is a white BC Rich Warlock. The house is immaculate. It might not be to everyone's taste, but the style is consistent: plastic and sterile, with a loudly colored, zippy motif throughout. It goes well with the Euro dance club music piped through the entire house on satellite radio.
"There's no such thing as bad publicity. I got a lot of fans. I'm not here to make ordinary porn. I'm here to blow the envelope. Like a lot of creative people…people that go down in history…are those that are really innovative. I didn't start out with a game plan of changing porn, or being more hardcore than whatever came before. I simply did what came natural, and what I really enjoy doing. In fact, when I entered the business in 1992, there was a couple of years there where I wondered where this thing was going to take me, and if I had any real place in it."
At least that's what we think Max said. We might be wrong on account of Rusty waging his personal war on our shoelaces. We put him out on the balcony, where we caught a glimpse of the naked LEYLA RIVERA in the bathroom, brushing her hair.
"I didn't have much direction, and the pay wasn't that great…but the chance to fuck hot babes was so alluring for me. Some people think about life; some people think about death... I think about fucking all the time. I got started in porn because
a) I was in the right place (LA)
b) because it was at the right time, which was the dawn of the gonzo amateur boom.
And c) I had a real good teacher in Bobby Hollander, who is a legend. He was one of the guys that came from New York. I don't know if you know this, but porn started in New York, but they were getting hounded out there, so they moved to the free love capital of San Francisco. Then in the mid-'80s, it moved down to Los Angeles."
"When I came in, I was looking for something new to do. I was a builder, I was a mechanic, I was a city coordinator for a federal housing program in Key West, Florida. I came out here because my brother was involved in strip clubs and bookstores in the Wisconsin and Chicago area, and he had connections with some people he was buying from out here. When I saw some of the crap that was being put out, I thought that I could do a better job. I was already an accomplished photographer. I had done work for the newspaper... hell, I was a UPI stringer!"
Next week, Max talks more about how he got started, in walks Leyla, and we get a first-hand slice of what the world looks like being Max Hardcore.
