WHEN life is getting you down...kneeing you in the ribs, giving you shots to the kidneys, and about to pull down your shorts for the generalized amusement of a nationwide TV viewing audience, it's time for a little....SkullGame...
"SKULLGAME...BECAUSE IT PICKS ME UP...DURING ASS KICKINGS, WHILE IT SMOOTHS ME OUT," SAYS UNDEFEATED FIGHTER GIL MELENDEZ.
GOLF IS NO LESS GAY JUST CUZ THEY GOT NEGROES PLAYING IT; A SKULLGAME EXAMINATION OF TIGER WOODS & PHIL MICKELSON'S MASTERS RENDERING OF BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
"LEMME JES' BRUSH YOU OFF HERE, BOSS...YOU KNOW................YOUR SKIN IS SO SOFT...." PHIL MICKELSON & HIS DARK DEVOTED MANSERVANT NAMED TIGER.
AUGUSTA (SkullGame) -- PHIL MICKELSON is a Masters champion again, whatever that means, and now he's making it look easy. Especially if by it you mean sandwich eating, milkshake drinking and a mean game of ping-pong.
Once known as a lovable loser who needed a dozen years to figure out how to win golf's biggest events, Mickelson captured his second straight major Sunday at Augusta National -- and this one was hardly a nail-biter. He closed with a 3-under 69, a over-under reach-around grabber and a 69-69 for a single blow, double suck two-shot victory over Tim Clark, yes, THAT Tim Clark, and got his second green jacket in three years.
The only surprise was the way he won. How he won. And that anyone alive even knows much about this strange and confusing game of lawn billiards.
NAOMI CAMPBELL: "I'M GODDAMNED LOVING & GODDAMNED GIVING. UNLESS YOU'RE A WIRE HANGER. OR A GEM-STUDDED CELLPHONE. OR AN IDIOTIC EYE-TALIAN MAID....OR A..."
"I WILL LOVE A SHOE RIGHT IN YOUR GODDAMNED ASS IF I CATCH YOU STEALING MY FUCKING COKE. AGAIN."
NEW YORK (SkullGame)-- Highly volatile, unpredictable, and ill-advised to establish eye-contact with, supermodel NAOMI CAMPBELL is stunned by allegations she hit her maid Ana Scolavino, insisting she is a "loving, giving" person.
Campbell, who reportedly hurled a mobile phone at Scolavino last week, faces a possible seven years in jail after being charged with assault by a New York City court Thursday. The 35-year-old catwalk queen denies the accusation. She says, "You can't stop people from thinking what they want to think and there is always two sides to every story. I'm someone who is very loyal. I will never take from anybody or want anything of anybody else's. I just want to live my life honestly and one day at a time and be honest and giving and loving to the people that are giving and loving. Who don't steal my shit. And then subsequently then don't require a phone-to-the-dome ass kicking. You know how much that fucking Virtu phone costs?!?!? $35,000...If that wasn't love I don't know what the fuck is."
Campbell allegedly threw her jewel-encrusted phone at Scolavino after accusing the maid of stealing her jeans. Scolavino reportedly required four stitches to the back of her head after the alleged attack.
EMINEM & HIS "WIFE" PLAN TO DIVORCE SOON
MARSHALL MATHERS & HIS LOVELY "BRIDE" KIM MATHERS HEADING BACK TO THE DOCKET.
MICHIGAN (SkullGame) -- "Rap" "star" EMINEM has blasted his soon-to-be ex-"wife" "Kim" Mathers following "her" appearance on a radio show to talk about their divorce, "her" overtly mannish appearance, the large hands, the extended adam's apple, the flowers [above] concealing her "secret," "her" friendship with EDDIE MURPHY -- and slammed her claims about his sleeping pill addiction as "untrue. Besides which if it WAS true maybe it was true because someone found out something about penises and who used to belong to one that kept him awake nights with tool terrors unimaginable."
The hitmaker on Wednesday announced plans to divorce his childhood sweetheart for the second time, after just 82 days of marriage.
AND from the where are they now column comes two very recent communiques from communards RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES JR. THE 3RD and SAL PACINO.
SKULLGAME FUCKING LETTERS. FOR YOU GODDAMNED PRICKS.
"HOW DO YOU SPELL P-U-S-S-I?"
RAYMOND J. JUSTIN JONES JR. THE GODDAMNED III
DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK. BITCHES...
Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Wait, are there even rumors? Either way, unless I'm too fucking stupid to know it, I crawled out from beneath the husband/father rock, and I'm now dealing with some actual rocks (plus a brindle pit who's about to get his skull smashed).
I'm in Assville, land of big rocks called mountains, and hippies called marks. Met a girl named Death.
Immediately had to get a DWI (nuttin' else to do). Stepped up my regimen (to avoid anal rape if I end up doing 7 days), fucked some girl named Iris from high school days. Busted a rather large nut in her
itty-bitty mouth. Now she's freaked out, and trying to establish a peace-treaty with her and mr baby-batter donater. Living in a storage closet in some fat cat-woman's basement apartment. Things could not be going better. Yeah, still here. If I had some emotion left, I would miss the old SkullGame. Moving closer to the city at the end of month, and would like to get back in the Game if you haven't absconded from us (by us,I mean me and the xoices). Fake fatherhood is done. Get at me. --RJJJJtheG3rd
Indeed.
SAL PACINO
GREAT. GREAT. NOW HOW 'BOUT MAKING WITH THE SUCTION?
I just realized something recently. That self realization came to me this morning as part of entire weekend of deep, deep introspection. If it does not put money in my pocket or a piece of tail at the end of my knob...I don't care. Not even a little. All emails thus far will be treated accordingly. All of you who have enjoyed the easy going light banter of the past will be surprised to see that the banter you once expected will no longer be there. It will be replaced with statements like "why do I give a fuck about this?" or "what's in it for me?" Think of this if you will as a return to the 1980s...for me, only instead of having a mullet and wearing parachute pants, I will have, well...I will have this haircut and be wearing whatever the fuck it is I am wearing.
What I am wearing is much less important then the point at hand. I don't care. If you would like me to pretend that I care as an effort to put money in my pocket and or a piece of tail at the end of my knob, this can obviously be negotiated. I totally understand for you ladies out there that it would be kind of awkward and difficult with me standing there tapping my foot and staring at my watch while you try and disrobe, I can definately feign some form of pseudo humanity if it adds to the moment for you. That being said, please never mention to me anything about, chemistry, vibe or "a feeling." I- JUST-DONT-CARE.
