Zane

Rating: FIVE "Dein Busen Ist VOLLGEIL!!!" BUSTED NUTS

Just getting back from Krautland like I have, well, you might understand how sensitized I am to what the mind of the average Kraut likes in the way of both cherries, poppers and everything and it all begins and ends with the following factoid that we, believe or not, picked up from THE VIEW: that the smallest penises in the world belong to German men.

BEHIND EVERY GOOD GERMAN WOMAN IS A GOOD MAN. WITH A 2-INCH CRANK.

What this means in practical terms?

Well, in practical terms it means Poland's got to watch its ass. In theoretical terms it means their cherries end up seeking popping by men from almost anywhere else who have the mind to pop them. And the end result is what you have here with four sausage seeking sluts, or nutten in German, seek some saugen, boopsin, fichen, leuchin or otherwise some such Germanified chatter signifying a dream of Hitlerian proportion: wonderful Aryan white womanhood equally at home annexing Austria or gobbling a load of luge in lieu of going to college.

It's great. And very much the real modern day Germany.

And because it's Zane, it's got that whole transgressive thing going on that makes this highly, highly, highly unlikely to be "couple's fare." Unless your broad is like the coolest fucking chick around. Or a Nazi. Or both. In which case she's probably IN the movie leaving me wanting to leave you a wise word of advice: she probably ain't going to be finishing that degree. -- VINNIE ROSE

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