BUT first this public service excerpt from NEGLIGENT MOTHER MAGAZINE featuring Cover Girl LIZ HURLEY...
"LISHEN TOMMY....GO GET NAKED MOMMY A BEER...JES ONE FUCKING BEER YOU LITTLE PRICK PIECE OF SHIT!!!"
"If you should find yourself beerless on a boat in Capri with your tits out and your son interrupts your inebriated counting of the millions you've sucked out of Satan's cock, please beat him soundly, send him to bed without supper and pinch his privates very, very hard. You will NOT be sorry." -- Author & Educator M. JACKSON
BOBBY BROWN BURNS BITCH WITH CIGARETTE; RESIGNS CONTRACT WITH BRAVO
JUDGE ROY BEAN'S FATHER WITH A CONFUSED BOBBY BROWN HAD THIS TO SAY OF THE ENCOUNTER: "Once again, what inevitably happens when you give a Negro money, some jewelry and a little bit of status: he tries to stick his thumb up your ass.”
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) — Crack-cocaine connoisseur and district court staple BOBBY BROWN once again burned wife WHITNEY HOUSTON with his “goddamn Port-love” on Monday afternoon, thus securing himself another season of his infamous “reality” T.V. Show BEING BOBBY BROWN”.
When finally reached for comment, Mr. Brown retreated to the bathroom for numerous “breaks” that totaled 55 minutes of the hour that SkullGame spent in his Los Angeles Motel 6 room—returning only to unscrew various light bulbs from fixtures throughout said room and to peek out the windows over and over and over and over again.
After his requisite time with his PR agent; whom he referred to as ‘that white bitch’; Brown emerged from the restroom only to mumble incoherently about “motherfuckers, brillow pads, ugly kids, and that damn screeching banshee of a ho that has been ‘all up in my shit’ like, indeed, a ‘motherfucker’”—before proceeding to wing Tae Bo tapes and ashtrays at our reporters and finally breaking down into a sobbing mess of a man yearning for a quick death if it meant never having to stick his fingers up Whitney's ass again.
The new season is slated for a Spring release in 2006—and promises to focus mainly on Bobby’s court room appearances, dealings with various Mexicans, and,--of course-- burning bitches with Menthols.
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL OFFICIALLY PREPARING AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT THAT BEGINS: "DEAR AMERICA PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SUCK MY TINY COCK JUST ABOUT ANY SECOND NOW...."
SKULLGAME ASSOCIATE ANTNEY MOMO REQUESTING THAT SHAQUILLE SHOW HIM, PERHAPS, WHERE THE VAGINA IS, YOU KNOW, JUST FOR FUTURE REFERENCE.
MIAMI (SkullGame) -- SHAQUILLE O'NEAL probably left millions on the bargaining table of eternal Satanic Mockery. But his biggest obsession now isn't dollars or championships but penis size: O'Neal signed a $100 million, 5-year contract with the Miami Heat on Tuesday, a deal that ensures the 12-time All-Star center plenty of added financial security while allowing him the necessary research grant into, as it is officially known, Ding Dong Stretching.
While he'll make $20 million in each of the next five seasons in an agreement believed to include incentives, he was to have earned $30.6 million this coming season, but opted out of that deal for a longer-term pact with less money annually.
"Shaquille can name his price," said his agent, Perry Rogers. "And the price he named was penis. A really BIG one too." Rogers said O'Neal remains the player with the highest annual salary and the smallest dingus in the league.
"I'm very excited about my new agreement with the Heat," O'Neal said in a statement released by the team. "This contract allows me to address all of my family's long-term financial goals while allowing the Heat the ability to acquire those players that we need to win a championship and me to pursue with great rapidity the whole Ding Dongus issue."
SKULLGAME & STEROIDS: ALONE AGAIN: NATURALLY: JUST LIKE RAFAEL PALMEIRO.
STEROIDS: FOR THE RAGING CHAMPION WITHIN...
BALTIMORE (SkullGame) -- RAFAEL PALMEIRO's bullshit fucking positive steroid test was for stanozolol, a powerful anabolic steroid that is NOT available in dietary supplements, according to a newspaper report written by FAGGOTS.
The New York Times, citing a baseball snitch with direct goddamned knowledge of the sport's bullshit drug-testing program, reported on its Web site Tuesday that Palmeiro tested positive for the drug known by the brand name Winstrol, most notably linked to the Olympic sprinter The GREAT Ben Johnson of Canada, ITALIAN SAL and VINNIE ROSE of SkullGame.com.
The deadman who said that Palmeiro tested positive for stanozolol did not want to be identified as the cocksucker he is because the testing policy prohibits anyone in baseball from disclosing lies about test results without a special snitch authorization, especially if they expect to keep breathing. The Baltimore Orioles first baseman was suspended by Major League Baseball for 10 days on Monday after testing positive for one of the greatest motherfucking performance-enhancing drugs on God's green fucking Earth. The highest profiled player to be punished so far, Palmeiro testified before Congress in March that he "aggghhhhh....never used steroids.....aggghhhhh!!!!!"
RAFAEL PALMIERO IN HAPPIER, RAGE-LADEN DAYS
The test was taken some weeks after Palmeiro testified before Congress in March, meaning he is probably not at risk for perjury, the Times reported, citing a committee staff member who spoke to the newspaper on condition of anonymity because official statements are supposed to come from members of Congress and he is also a ball-chugging snitch.
Palmeiro didn't deny turning in a positive test, but was adamant "IT WAS JUST A FUCKING GODDAMNED TOTAL ACCIDENT, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! AGGHHHHHHH.......!!!!!!"
JENNIFER ANISTON: "I AM A SADDENED SKANK. A SKANK. AND SAD. AND RICH. YET STILL SAD."
"WHERESH LIZ HURLEY? AND MY GODDAMNED SCOTCH!!!! THAT BITCH!!!"
DRUNKTONIA (SkullGame) -- In her first interview since being dumped by Brad Pitt, JENNIFER ANISTON says she was "shocked" by the breakup. Aniston broke down twice during the interview for the September issue of Vanity Fair, on newsstands nationally Aug. 9.
"Am I lonely? Yes. Am I upset? Yes. Am I confused? Yes. Do I have my days when I've thrown a little pity party for myself? Absolutely. Do I fellate strange Mexican busboys? Possibly. Mexican busboys, Haitian cabbies, disgruntled Dominican ball players? Oh who can remember? But I'm also doing really well. Especially if by REALLY WELL you mean with Mexicans, Haitians and Dominicans."
Holed up in her Malibu, Calif., bungalow, the 36-year-old actress says the media coverage and tabloid rumors have been hard to deal with — especially reports that she didn't want to start a family. "I've never in my life said I didn't want children. I did and I do and I will! I will. I will. I will," she said stamping her feet and mewling a delusion she herself possibly doesn't even believe.
Aniston filed for divorce in March, citing irreconcilable differences after 4.5 years of marriage. The couple separated in January. Aniston says she was aware of Pitt's attraction to ANGELINA JOLIE, his "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" co-star, but doesn't blame their split on her.
But when pictures showing Pitt and Jolie together with her 3-year-old son, Maddox, on a beach in Africa were published, the former "Friends" star says, "the world was shocked and I was shocked. Shocked that he would want to fuck a woman like that. You know with those big tits, and those long legs and those lips that look like little fucking blowjob pillows. Just goes to show you what kind of man he is really, I guess."
Says Aniston: "I just don't know what happened ... I love Brad; I really love him regardless of the fact that he's gay. I mean I will love him for the rest of my life no matter how many men he fellates," says Aniston. "I don't regret any of it, and I'm not going to beat myself up about it. NOW BRING ME A GODDAMNED MAI TAI!!!!"
