Red Light District

Rating: THREE & A HALF "Stereotypical...Interruption!" BUSTED NUTS

Do you think people make conscious decisions to be walking caricatures?

Like, when you see a beat up Volkswagen Beetle with more chassis devoted to bumper stickers than paint, and a peace sign hanging from the rear view mirror, or a shuffling black kid with what appears to be 12 inch legs in a car with spinning rims and the seat so far back that chiropractors are wringing their hands with joy, or someone in a Cadillac who drives slowly and oblivious to anyone else’s safety.

Do you think?

KAIYA LYNN. HER ASSHOLE HATES YOU. AND WE DON'T MEAN HER MANAGER.

And so the stereotype of the Asian-centric porn flick continues. ME LUV U LONG TIME 8: Hot Asian babes. None take it in the ass. Why? Are we to believe that the Asian backdoor is just so tiny that they can’t accept a rear boning? Doubtful. Are we to believe that they are weak sauce and that porn directors need to pony up some better slanty-eyed bitches for their demanding public? Probable.

And...

WE INTERRUPT THIS RANT TO BRING YOU THIS BULLETIN

MAXINE blows the doors off. OK, she doesn’t take it in the ass, either, but she more than makes up for it with the intensity and plain lunacy of her scene with BRANDON IRON. Some highlights: Maxine with one of those S&M mouth ball harnesses, minus the ball, with the ring in her mouth. The beauty? It keeps her yap open for easy cock entry and sloppy spit exit in general. Maxine giving the gagging, choking, spit-smeared-on-the-face, enthusiastic blow job of her and maybe Brandon Iron’s life. Maxine getting the boning of her career in sex-slave style. Maxine being revealed to, in fact, be a buzz-cut bald bitch, which, at that point, we were so entranced by the whole thing that the sight of beads of a load being gingerly deposited on her short, spiky-haired head seemed like the only proper way to finish the scene.

THANK YOU

...we have to sit through a bunch of scenes that not only feature no anal, but scenes that feature no anal after the girls have guys put their fingers in their asses. Note to Asian hos: step the fuck up. –- STEELY ROB

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