THIS issue of SkullGame is being brought to you by JARROD, the ghost of cast-off spokespersons of Christmas past who, in his copious amounts of now free time has mastered Photoshop and continues to support his former benefactor as "the best maker of computers for fruits. By which I mean F-A-G-G-O-T-S."
YOU THINK THAT "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?" DUDE IS STILL BUSY?
HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A DAME DUMPED FOR A HOTTER, SEXIER PIECE OF ASS: THE JENNIFER ANISTON STORY
I WAS NOT DUMPED. WE JUST CAME TO A MUTUAL AGREEMENT TO HAVE MY BREASTS APPEAR ON AN INTERNATIONAL PORN SITE TO SHOW HIM THAT I'M JUST AS SEXY AS ANY CAMBODIAN SLUT HE MIGHT KNOW. THAT'S ALL.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- JENNIFER ANISTON is suing a paparazzo, claiming he invaded her privacy by using a telephoto lens to photograph her topless as she cried out front by her garbage can while shaking her fists at heaven and cursing an unjust God who while making her a millionaire has purposefully spited her with teeny titties and an ex-husband who did not desire same.
The lawsuit filed Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court alleges that photographer Peter Brandt must have observed the 36-year-old actress "from across the street through invasive, intrusive and unlawful measures much like those used by that asshole Brad who thinks that by holding Negroes on TV he's solving the world's Negro holding problems or something like that."
The photos "could have been taken only by means of trespass" or "demons" and were shot in a place where she had reasonable expectations of privacy, like the street in front of her house where she had slept the prior evening, claims Aniston, who starred on NBC's "Friends," in the lawsuit.
Brandt said he took the pictures three weeks ago while standing on a public street in Los Angeles about 300 yards from her house and a few feet from where the disheveled Aniston laughed, cried, and flashed her beav at heaven.
"That's not what I was looking for," said Brandt.
JEW HATER CHRISTINE APPLEGATE DENIES JEW-HATING WAYS AS PRODUCT OF "TYPICAL JEW MEDIA LIES."
IN AN APPLEGATE-PRODUCED PIC, CHRISTINA & JEW HUSBAND IN HAPPIER DAYS.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- CHRISTINA APPLEGATE and her husband, Johnathon Schaech, are calling it quits after "four years of penny pinching, money lending, usurious marriage."
"At first when he came into a room I'd just light up. But the Jew clouds of confusion descended upon me and I thought I'd never see the truth again. But I did. After that when he came into a room I knew exactly what was going to happen. What happens anytime a Jew comes into a room? Someone gets fucked, that's what."
The couple have filed for divorce in Los Angeles Superior Court. Their publicists, non-Jew Ame Van Iden and non-Hebrew Chuck James, confirmed the split Monday.
"The decision is a mutual unilateral decision to be free of the oppressive yoke of international Jewry," they said in a joint statement without further comment.
SADDAM HUSSEIN IN UPROAR OVER “LACK OF HUMAN RIGHTS”; PROMPTLY INFORMS IRAQI COURT TO “FUCK YO’SELVES,” WHILE SCANNING COURTROOM FOR SIGNS OF A 1-UP. JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORTS.
“YA’LL BE BULLSHITTING ME”, SADDAM EXCLAIMS WHILE FRANTICALLY SEARCHING FOR THE WARP ZONE TO LEVEL 8 WHERE HE, WITH ALLAH’S WILL, CAN FIND THE MOTHERFUCKING MUSHROOM PRINCESS AND BE DONE WITH IT ALL.
BAGHDAD (SkullGame) — Clutching a copy of his Qu’Ran, which we suspect to be mostly filled with excerpts of Davidoff Madison catalogues and random clippings of MAD magazine, Saddam Hussein told an Iraqi court to “go to hell” adding in a quick “bitches” as an almost quaint afterthought once it became apparent that there was a good chance he was going to get fucking shot all to shit for electrocuting 16 year old girls, catching whole countries on fire, and ordering the execution of one-time sidekick Luigi for “looking at me funny and holding the blunt for too long while he spun that same tired-assed story about how he defeated Bowser the one time I ran out of extra lives in level 5 after he jewed me out of the motherfucking power mushroom that I rightfully scored even after I didn’t say a goddamn word about the fact that he was he was putting in cheat codes and shit.”
Hussein had been complaining earlier on about what he perceived to be “injustices”, including but not limited to: lack of ample harem “workers”, substandard pomegranates, being forced to shit in toilets not made out gold and having to wipe with something other than pilfered currency, and--most shockingly--being incarcerated.
“This is terrorism”, Saddam explained. “I will not come to an unjust court. Huff my fucking beef, Ricky.” To which he commenced by making obscene gestures with his hands whilst seemingly attempting to push his tongue out of the side of his cheek and furrowing his brow.
Hussein became belligerent after hearing the testimony of a man who claims to have been subjected to electro-shock treatment and required to play “Red Rover” for hour after exhausting hour during detainment under Saddam’s regime.
It is unclear at this time if the court will force the issue of Saddam’s attendance, though Iraqi lawyer Bassem al-Khalili says that, indeed, sometimes the judicial system makes people attend court proceedings even if they would prefer not to go to jail and shit.
