VCA

Rating: FIVE "Charlie Sheen Endorsed" BUSTED NUTS

If you, like us, were THERE when record labels started calling the more marketable punk rock NEW WAVE, you might have had the idea on more than one occasion that they were ALL fucking hookers. Taking the short-end money while taking cock, and LOTS OF IT for a shot at getting a cover on the SOHO WEEKLY NEWS. So it was with great satisfaction to the rest of us professional haters when NEW WAVE became a crazy collection of sun glasses, hair dye, and drum sticks up the cooch.

Which is precisely what you have here.

IF WE WEREN'T ALREADY JERKING OFF HARD ENOUGH TO PRECLUDE DOING SO, WE'D BE STABBING OUR EYES OUT. FOR? GINGER 'FUCKING' LYNN. YOU BETTER GODDAMNED BELIEVE IT.

OK, OK...even IF they cut TRACI LORDS contribution to this fucking thing out what on account of her being "under" "age," this flick with the 20-year-old GINGER LYNN, pre-tax troubles and pre-getting Charlie Sheenized saying shit like "You wanna fuck me in the ass?" and then getting FUCKED in her perfect immediately post-teen ass, is well worth the price of admission. Add in all of the stars who now make the LEGENDS reel, that is, stars who fucked on film when it didn't get them much of anything other than cocks, loads and cab fare home (mebbe), than this is the shit.

PETER NORTH plays an Arab Sheik. JAMIE GILLIS starts the fictional escort service called NEW WAVE BITCHES that throws the whole threadbare plot into gear and when he's not fucking in this flick sits at a desk and free forms. And Negro JACK BAKER, the ugliest dead man in porn to make BEN 'CHICKEN GEORGE' VEREEN squirm spooges all over KRISTARA BARRINGTON'S Asian nostrils.

The music is bad. The writing is insane. The fucking feels as dirty as the sets look and the whole affair reeks of very dangerous drugs, damnation, and fists jerking loads on upturned lips. Forever.

And I'm watching it again. Right NOW. -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy It NOW!