Historic Erotica

Rating: FIVE "My What Buttery Thighs You Have Grandma" BUSTED NUTS

Imagine. If you will. That you're boning a woman. Her big, giant titties are threatening to do you serious harm. Her prodigious heft. Her vigor. All make you feel like you're riding a wilding bronco. And as you watch her face contort in agonized pleasure you watch her hands play idly in her hair. Which then begins to move. Yes, yes, because, of course, she has a WIG on.

Cancer victim? Concentration camper? Rogaine shipment lost? Tranny?

The horror scenarios multiply as the answer asserts itself with a capital ASS: It's just CANDY SAMPLES!!!

OH. HELLO. MR. POOL MAN. IS THAT MY PALSIED, SENILE HAND SCRATCHING AT YOUR ZIPPER OR AM I JUST GLAD TO SEE YOU?

And we LOVE Candy. The whole wig weirdness notwithstanding. It adds. Doesn't subtract. As does the quuuueeezzzyyy stink of Police Gazette, Lucky Tiger, and liking Ike. Some say vintage porn is for guys who need to justify their porn with post-modern irony. Some say the old-timey feel feels less like modern exploitation. I say vintage porn is for those who just dig 60 year old sluts sucking and fucking. Of which I count myself one.

My only regret?

The dearth of loads busted across her proud prow. For this we have to go to later day JOHNNY HOLMES loops. And even then these are busted only on her bumptious protuberances. Which is how big-tittied tricks try to trick you: here...here...come on my TITS!!!

Well I, for one, will not be fooled: the face, the whole face and nothing BUT the face, so help me God. -- VINNIE ROSE

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