Fat Dog

Rating: FIVE "Crime! The Ultimate High!" BUSTED NUTS

JOHN HOLMES REMEMBERED, eh?

Yes, yes. Through the haze of Boogie Nights and all these late-in-the-day encomiums to the greatness of a man with the 14" schlong WE remember JOHN HOLMES. Yes. Wonderful sepia-toned memories of coke burns. Multiple homicides. Gay for Pay motion pictures wherein his claim to fame found its way up the upturned asses of guys who were only "gay" becaused they were being "paid" to get a foot of fuck up the jacksie. Yes, these, we remember. And then there was the HIV, and the masked diatribes from his hospital bed. The misplaced sense of entitlement and the speedball express that hastened his skinny ass to the piney depths.

HOLMES RECREATING THE BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN-COURTENEY COX SCENE FROM DANCING IN THE DARK. WITH COCKS, THIS TIME AROUND.

KITTEN NATIVIDAD once told me about BIG Johnny Holmes, "he was the sweetest guy." Yes, yes, we imagine he was. The sweetest snitching, drug burning, HIV-having lunatic he could have been. I mean given the circumstances of being a snitching, drug burning, HIV-having lunatic.

But, VINNIE, why for you give this FIVE Busted Nuts?!?!?

To which I tip my hat to ALL the vintage ginch populating this flick. Hairy snatched, wah-wah pedaled, underarm-haired broads that in all likelihood are spending their gray-haired days now fumbling for the right change in front of you in line at the supermarket and trying to forget the sterling memory of load upon load of John Holmes laced across their upper lips.

Perfect. -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy It NOW!