YO VINNIE,
I went to an orgy. Or a group sex thing. Whatever. Anyway, I was making out with this big-titted woman. She had her tits in my face and everytime I tried to sit up she sort of shoved me back down, sort of holding me down, so that I could get my cock sucked by someone else. When I came she sat up like SURPRISE and I looked down to discover that a dude had been sucking my dick. This is sort of fucking my shit up. -- Garth (by email)

SO FAR....SO FUCKING GOOD....

Dear FAGGOT: Being that we are highly unfamiliar with fairy politic we decided to turn this over to a well-acknowledged expert in the fields of faggotry, THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS' ANTHONY "I KISS MEN ON THE MOUTH" KIEDIS who had this to say: "While this faggot may indeed be a faggot in the mold of other famous faggots a la ABE LINCOLN or OSCAR WILDE or, um, BRYANT GUMBEL, I fully suspect that due to the nature of the bitch's perfidy and various big tit trickery, combined with his refusal to do a chin check in order to correctly divine whether or not he was being gummed by the supple, giving lips of a woman, or the bristly roughness of a man's cigar chomping chewer, that he conveniently has aligned himself with those who balance on the Kinseyesque fence of half-homoness." We think he means that while in all likelihood you, who have engaged in ass-mongering behaviors while not explicitly momofied are well on your way to embracing the sausage from both ends. Hope this helps.