Red Light District

Rating: FOUR "Stefano, Stefano, Stefano" BUSTED NUTS

We all know that the porn world loves to adapt Hollywood movies to its own goofy, geeky vision; “Shaving Ryan’s Privates” and “When Harry Ate Sally” are two of the more famous ones.

We think an adaptation of the movie “Being John Malkovich” would be a fine, fine addition to the aforementioned canon of reflected genius. The spinoff would be called “Being Michael Stefano,” in which the horrific climax features the protagonist finding himself in a world where everyone around him is Michael Stefano: the doormen, the meter maids, the babies in strollers, the goddamn daffodils...and they all say “baby,” over and over, the singular word building to a maddening, infernal crescendo until everyone’s head explodes.

"MMGGHH...GLOMMPPH..." WHATEVER, BABY. MISSY "MUMBLES" MONROE GETTING READY FOR HER CLOSE UP

MICHAEL STEFANO’S TWISTED VISION, a POV extravaganza, has inspired us though. Shot entirely from Stefano’s point of view, this movie features a lot of baby-saying and improper breathing in general. It also features a caged slut getting spooged by a “homeless” guy, ROXY JEZEL getting fucked in the ass (we’re still not tired of this), loads of reverse-cowgirl-in-your-face anal, SATIVA ROSE's perfect rack, and MISSY MONROE's squirts. JENNIFER LUV is still cute but the pussy-as-butterfly fu was old the second it first happened. Let’s replace it with an anal trick, shall we? -- STEELY ROB

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