Darkside Entertainment

Rating: TWO "Gabba, Gabba Hey, My Ass" BUSTED NUTS

Sex is like fresh air to most people.

But to a freak?

Well, to them it's like LSD or ketamine: A way to achieve total derangement of the mind-body duality. While this disc wastes a lot of bytes on the adult film industry, I saw nothing freakish in its sex acts. Sure, LUCY PURL tries to enliven a bum fucking with a little strangulation, by her partner and then by and on herself, but it's not at all convincing. I'm no freak, and I've chokefucked chicks purple (at their behest). Lucy was just trying another route to getting it over with. Soon.

IS SKY JOLIE AS MUCH OF A VIKINGS' FAN AS WE ARE FANS OF ASS? SPECIFICALLY, HERS? ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW

So 1.8 of the TWO busted nuts I gave this fiasco go to CARAMEL, who, if freak she be, she's so only because of how ill-equipped she is to take that big bone penetrating her. Not very slutlike, but a refreshing contrast to the mannequin DOMINIQUE, for whom fucking is no more distracting than a tampon. Pretty, yes, but where's the freaking freak? SKY JOLIE is no fox, but she can at least work her ample ass, while MARY JANE squats on the sidelines. Freaks would make a two-girl threeway turn bisexual, but this barely gets to sexual.

With that out of the way, I'd like to take this opportunity to out MR. STARKS as a caucasian. He makes this obvious when he refers to eating shrimp at Red Lobster as "you know, ballin'." If he isn't already producing rap videos, it's clear he'd prefer to versus, you know, making porno (see how the menu calls bonus footage "bootlegs and B-sides"). But the overload of urban flava, coupled with the lack of freak sex, led me to turn off the sound and put on Stockhausen's Momente. Now that's freaky, but not in a porno sense. (Go ahead, try jacking off to THAT.)

Actually, I'm not even confident about calling this DVD porn. With a white dude producing a box cover claiming "ALL BLACK!", and a cameo appearance by DOLEMITE in the beginning, blaxploitation is the name of the game here. And while I like Mr. Moore's acting style, this movie's main shortcoming is that the people in it fuck like actors in a Dolemite film act. -- JIMMY THE G

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