JM Productions

Rating: FOUR "Kick Her Ass. Kick Her Fucking Ass" BUSTED NUTS

AMBER LYNN used to hold truck with some very fucking heavy motherfuckers. Like so heavy it'd take some time to talk about and even more balls to bring up. But since last I checked I was lacking neither so I'll just tell you what I know and hope to God that the affected parties know I mean no disrespect.

OH YEAHHHH. SEXY SENIOR CITIZEN AMBER LYNN ANSWERING VINNIE'S QUESTIONS REGARDING EXACTLY WHERE THE COCK GOES AGAIN.

Anyways, last I heard of her she was going out with a former associate, let's just call him STEVE T. Head of San Jose's Hell's Angels Chapter, solid brother, and officially THE MEANEST GUY I KNOW. Now Steve, as of this writing, is still the only person I know to beat not one but TWO fucking murder raps AND have pulled off a Dirty Sanchez the way a Dirty Sanchez should be pulled off.

Finger up her ass.
Shit on finger.
Crap Stache drawn on upper lip and into mouth.

"Oh. Your finger tastes weird!"
"Just my new cologne babe."

Genius. And I'm sincerely hoping he won't beat me to death for saying so.

Anyways, here is AMBER from a few years ago, not the spring chicken of lore who once said to HEATHER WAYNE when asked about career development, "just keep fucking and sucking, girl!!!" But Amber, a little older and wiser, and still OK looking to make me want to see her stuffed with sausage. And bell peppers. And a nice fucking homemade alfredo sauce.

But that is not to be: this is a goddamned lesbo thing. Which I must say I didn't fucking know when hand touched box and I shuffled it into my TO DO pile. Which means every scene must be mentally edited with cock filter. Imagine the cock there. Probing, pricking, sticking like God intended it to do.

Except it doesn't.

But this flick is curiously redeemed not because of the lack of stick but because the set up is so fucking great. Amber's getting married (hahahahahahah). And she's being such an overbearing bitch (having been to a few weddings I'd fathom a guess that this is the cinema verite part), heaping VERBAL ABUSE upon VERBAL ABUSE, that her bridesmaids go medieval on her ass in eventual retaliation. Especially if by medieval you mean FACE SLAPPING, ASS LAPPING, CHOKING, PUSSY EATING and all other manner of sapphic snacking.

Great. Love that VA, love that aging porn star and especially love breathing the air on God's green earth, Steve. -- VINNIE ROSE

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