Mack Avenue Skullgame
Vinnie Pick of the Week
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If you're dealing with us?
Why, yes, you will be
[ Full Review ]








08.31.04
THE SKULLGAME "OH SHIT" ISSUE WHEREIN THE TOTAL LENGTH AND BREADTH OF CONDOLEEZZA RICE'S GAYNESS, PARIS HILTON'S SLUTNESS, LANCE ARMSTRONG'S FOOLISHNESS & RICKY WILLIAMS HIGHNESS ARE CONSIDERED.

SKULLGAME Stoner Spokesluts TERI WEIGEL & TAYLOR WANE Getting High The Old-Fashioned Way: One Bongload At A Time

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NO STEMS, NO SEEDS THAT YOU DON'T NEED, CALIFORNIA MANCOCK IS SOME BADASS WEEEEEEED



NEWSFLASH: CONDOLEEZA RICE'S LESBONESS NOW NO LONGER A MATTER OF CONJECTURE

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JANET RENO SAYS, "IT'S ABOUT GODDAMNED TIME...."

WASHINGTON, D.C. (SkullGame) -- Despite the fact that every member of the Fourth Estate has given this broad a pass what on account of her being a broad and Black, and are cowed by the likelihood of reporting the truth and ending up dead in a bathtub at Motel 6, we at SKULLGAME do not give a fuck. And so having uncovered irrefutable proof of our National Security Adviser's wanton woman loving ways, we're going public with the news that the most faggot unfriendly administration in recent history is a hotbed of not-so-repressed homosexuality.

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SOME STRANGE "HOMOSEXUAL" RITUAL INVOLVING BUCKBOARDS & FRINGE

According to Rice's former real estate agent, unnamed here to protect the innocent from being shot six times in the back in an obvious suicide attempt, Rice's flaming ways were legendary in the sleepy Northern California college town of Stanford. "She was a snatch sampler if I ever saw one," said DAVE DIETRICH.

And that's good enough for us.



NICK "I JUST GOT THIS SLUT'S NAME TATTOOED ON MY CHEST" CARTER CLAIMS LYING SLUT FACTOR FACTORED HEAVILY IN PARIS HILTON SPLIT

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THE HAPPY, LYING, LOVING COUPLE IN HAPPIER, PRE-TATTOO AND LIFELONG REGRET TIMES

LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Pop "heterosexual" NICK CARTER, his lips freshly dried from the semen-smeared kisses slathered on his punim, by porn suckstress PARIS HILTON has complained that the pair couldn't trust each other as far as they could fucking spit.

Speaking exclusively to SKULLGAME, the Backstreet Boy lover called the kettle black and insists the split was mutual, despite his ex's claims she called the romance off after advice from a psychic. Especially if by psychic you mean the unnamed pro baller she's currently boning whose name rhymes with LE BRON JAMES.

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PARIS WITH OH WHOEVER, ON THE LONG ROAD TO RECOVERY. AND THE SHORT ROAD TO ORGASM.

Carter says, "Our relationship totally was based on distrust. She didn't trust me. Said something about me being too gay. Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with being happy. And well, I didn't trust her, especially in the cock-sucking category either. So, I just want everybody to know that I'm single and ready to have fun again. I'm a wild and crazy guy."

Carter also lamely insists he doesn't regret having Paris' name tattooed on his body three weeks ago -- because he'll always love the slut and "she'll always have a place in my heart."

Whatever.



LANCE ARMSTRONG TAKES 100-FOOT CLIFF LEAP INTO SHERYL CROW STUPIDITY

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ARMSTRONG & HIS DATE WITH MISERY. AND BAD MUSIC. BUT MOSTLY MISERY.

PARIS (SkullGame) -- Even though our dear departed friend KEVIN GILBERT told us that SHERYL CROW was one fucking primo pump star, that doesn't mean anyone should be going ahead with crazy fucking ideas about marrying the song-stealing ho. However that's just what the carb-depleted Tour De France winner LANCE ARMSTRONG is thinking about.

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OH SURE. YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO LAST FOREVER? AND WHAT'S SHE DOING NOW? WHAT?!?! SHE'S STARTING TO... SING!!! OH GOD NO. WELL WELCOME TO FOREVER, MR. ARMSTRONG.

According to reports, the 32-year-old proposed to the rocker after winning his record sixth Tour de France over the weekend.

SKULLGAME Market Advisory: don't be buying the cow when it takes the coconut oil for free.



"MARIJUANA'S BEEN VERY, VERY GOOD TO ME": RICKY WILLIAMS

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HOW HIGH AM I? VERY, VERY HIGH. THANKS TO MY TRUSTY BONGMASTER 3000, THE STATE-OF-THE-ART IN SMOKING ACCESSORIES & MY GRINNING WHITE BOY DRUG DEALER

MIAMI (SkullGame) -- Former Miami Dolphins running back RICKY WILLIAMS's 11th hour retirement has the sport's world abuzz with buzz and rumor of buzz. Specifically William's post-game plan to "search for the truth, photography, Spanish language skills and the meaning of existence. Oh, yeah, and some more really, really, really good medicinal marijuana."

So, while touring Asia with rock star LENNY "If It's Pussy, I'm Fucking It" KRAVITZ, Ricky who had been contemplating this maneuver for a while decided to retire at the tricky age of 27.

Distraught Dolphins' fans were left wishing that Williams had chosen to tour with BOBBY BROWN instead because, well, because Brown's crack work ethic and willlingness to grab life by both nostrils is the stuff of narcotic legend.

"Lenny's high on life," said Williams. Then he said a bunch of other stuff that he assured us was very important but that we don't remember, which is largely OK because neither will he.


 


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