Red Light District

Rating: 3.8 "A Star Is Born" BUSTED NUTS

We could tell you all about this movie, but all we need to tell you is about one thing. PATRICIA. And since we know your time is so very precious (yeah, right, we know you’d just use it to jerk off), let us just say that this particular French Canadian starlet is something like the second coming in our short-term memoried minds.

PATRICIA ON A PIECE OF CARDBOARD IN THE RED LIGHT WAREHOUSE WITH A PIPE UP THE POOP. AHHH, IT DOESN'T GET MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.

Must have been a harbinger that none other than JUDY STAR brings the far from Englishly fluent girl into VINCE VOUYER'S office. To sum up what makes this girl Patricia so great: she’s a white girl in a tight, creamy Asian girl’s body. And thank our lucky stars, or Star, or whatever, that Patricia also does the anal and all the tricks that we dig here in the Metal Wing of SkullGame. She’s so great, even the presence of the geriatric TONY TEDESCHI can’t ruin it.

Meanwhile, the rest of the cast is left in the dust. PAGIE is cute, but her goofy, silly girlness doesn’t quite make it past the finish line. Cover girl RANDI WRIGHT has got some makings, but it’ll be even better when the ‘tude goes down and the sluttery goes up. From the back of the box, YASMENE seemed the most promising, but then we realized that her well-fedness might be the reason she never takes her top off.

But it just may be the bright light of Patricia that has us saying such things. Listen, it’s been fun, but I can’t talk anymore. Gotta go with my BREAKIN' 'EM IN #6 to do, um, things... -- STEELY ROB

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