Disclaimer: While we make FUN of the FAT broads we would like it known that we don't HATE the FAT broads. VINNIE and SAL weren't hating on the FATSOs when they double teamed that 250-pound chick out in Hayward. And neither should you.
"YOU GUYS AIN'T GONNA DO NOTHING WITH THAT PHOTO ARE YOU?" WHAT? HUNH? US? LIKE WHAT? "LIKE PUT IT ON YOUR GODDAMNED WEB SITE!" NOOOOO....
WHATEVER THE FUCK HAPPENED TO....KIRSTIE ALLEY?
ME? NOTHING. I'M FINE. I'M FINNNEEEE.
The husky-voiced KIRSTIE ALLEY, star of stage, screen and second helpings, was a breathe of sexy air when we needed it the most. And when we needed it the most she reminded us that fucking could be good AND dirty.
Yes, while nowhere near as ubiquitous a poster girl as FARRAH "MY HAIR IS JUST A METH. I MEAN MESS!" FAWCETT, KIRSTIE was widely held to be fuckable.
DID WE JUST SAY WIDELY HELD? WE THOUGHT SO.
At least that's what her husband thought. Poor, poor sorry fucking sonuvabitch.
THE FACE THAT ALMOST BROUGHT DOWN A PRESIDENCY. AND A BUFFET TABLE. AND THE MARBLE CAKE: MONICA LEWINSKY.
IN A WONDERFUL NON-JIZ DRENCHED ENSEMBLE FROM SEMEN OF EL SEGUNDO'S PRETTY & PLUMP SHOP. WHERE, IT SHOULD BE NOTED, YOU SEE VERY FEW WOMEN WHO ARE ACTUALLY EITHER PRETTY OR PLUMP.
What the fuck can you say outside of: the only reason your ass wasn't impeached BILL, was because we all felt sorry for you. No goddamned shit.
LENNY KRAVITZ, MESHUGGA JEW BY DAY, SUPER HERO NEGRO BY NIGHT
SHE'LL SOON BE RESCUED FROM THE TOTALLY AVOIDABLE PAIN OF HAVING TO KEEP HER CLOTHES ON. AND HIS COCK OUTTA HER MOUTH.
LONDON (SkullGame) -- PussyHound Non Pareil LENNY "I've Seen More Pussy Than Many Of You Have Seen Faces" KRAVITZ has become KIRSTEN DUNST'S "hero" for escorting her out of "Spider-Man 2"'s post-premiere party after she'd enjoyed one drink too many.
ON HER FUCKING WAY TO TOO MANY....
An impressed guest says, "It was very chivalrous. Although it was quite bizarre. Lenny was rescuing the staggering star and he kept saying 'Give her room. Give her room. She can't breathe. Her clothes are too tight.' And then he disappeared into that room with all the couches. It was all very heroic."
A visibly spent Kravitz re-remerged 15 minutes later and expressed a need for a beer. And a nap. Two pleasures he'd nary have time to enjoy before he was pressed into action again.
KRAVITZ AND LIONEL RICHIE END BEATING. NO. NOT OF EACH OTHER. OF SOME GUY NAMED DAVE DIETRICH WHO IS LIKE THE FAGGOT OF THE WORLD FOR BEING BEATEN BY THE GUY WHO SANG ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES A LADY
LIONEL RICHIE RESCUING SOME WHITE BROAD FROM HIS FUCKING TEETH.
Knuckled-Up Negroes LIONEL "I'm Easy. Easy Like Sunday Morning" RICHIE and KRAVITZ rescued the man in the room MOST in need of a beating, a record executive, from a savage attack at London's China White nightclub this week.
The record executive was attacked by a furious guest who punched the music boss in the face for allegedly seducing his girlfriend.
But before bouncers could intervene the superstar duo astounded guests by diving into the fray to break up the fight, reports Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper.
One guest reveals, "This guest was furious. He reckoned the record executive had been getting hot and heavy with his girlfriend. He was devastated. This wasn't just a little argument, it was turning into a no-holds-barred fight.
"Before bouncers could get there, Lionel and Lenny jumped in to break it up. You don't expect to see two global superstars breaking up a club scrap.
"It was amazing. Forget Spidey, these two were much more impressive. They were both real peacekeepers. Neither Len nor Lionel seemed worried about getting stuck in. They both hate violence and obviously couldn't bear just to stand by so they beat the fuck out of the guy. Like some shit outta GOODFELLAS. Which seemed sort of fitting, especially as it was KRAVITZ who boned the guy's girl in the first place anyway."
