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PARIS HILTON'S PIMP RICK SOLOMON SPEAKS
THAT AIN'T WORKING, THAT'S THE WAY YOU DO IT, GETTING YOUR COCKLE SUCKED ON THE MTV
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Though recently called "a sleaze and a pig" by no less vaunted personage then CINDY ADAMS, she of the world's sleaziest profession, RICK SOLOMON has had a heady run at the ring by cashing in a cool 50 mil off the back of "celebrity" pro skag PARIS HILTON. Her carefully managed penchant for fucking and sucking sausage is the kind of work for which we now salute Solomon.
SkullGame: Thanks for talking to us. Without the benefit of the Pontiac SR2435 car antenna, without the benefit of a size 11 shoe, and with nary a chin check, you have managed to parlay Paris Hilton's desperate need for attention into a highly lucrative venture. How'd you do it?
Rick Solomon: The way the best pimps do it: with honeyed words of support. "Oh yeah, baby. You look great. You...are...a...star!" Crap like that. Well that and having the presence of mind to take the fucking lens cap off.
SG: And the way you reversed the threat of legal action on the grounds that you drugged her into a justification for showing America what she looks like with coconut drippings swinging off of her chin...well there's no other word to describe that but MASTERFUL.
HEY!!? WHA?!? WHERE WAS THAT COCK I WAS SUCKING?!?! HUNH?!? OH?!?
RS: Yes. Thank you. Your appreciation is much, you know, appreciated. But it was a hurtful moment for me. Their assertions that I needed to stoop to the use of pharmaceuticals to work my magic. That's fucking bullshit. So you see, I HAD to release it, sell it, and ultimately grant the rights to it to Red Light District for a hefty profit. I mean my hand was forced. [sobs gently while dabbing at the tears with a $100 bill].
SG: Thank you, sir. We'll stop here. You've already suffered enough.
RS: Thank YOU.
ICE T: "THE DEGREE TO WHICH YOU SUCCEED AS A PIMP IS THE DEGREE TO WHICH YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE BEING PAID FOR HAVING BALLS."
ICE T AND HIS FUCKING WIFE. THAT'S RIGHT. HIS WIFE!!!
SkullGame: Some might have said that you made a Pimp 101 error by getting married to your work. Reaction?
ICE-T: Fuck all y'all. I sheltered my shit in off-shore accounts and got an OJ Simpson Pre Nup.
Downside?
Only big, giant ass mountains of titties and ass. Now, don't call here no more.
SG: We will. Tomorrow. Same time?
IT: No. DON'T call here!
SG: Great. Talk to you soon.
THE YOUTH WILL HAVE THEIR SAY: "PIMPING IS EASIER THAN TOO SHORT EVER LET ON."
HOL' UP, HOL' UP. I GOT KOBE ON THE LINE...
SAN FRANCISCO (SkullGame) -- There are pimps and there are pimps but full Guinness Book style, we found the youngest pimp, one 19-year-old SPUN-G, working the TenderNob neighborhood in San Francisco and he made this earth-shattering pimp proclamation: "pimping is quite easy."
NOW, HO'ING? THAT'S SOME HARD WORK
"I mean at first I thought it was going to be a lot of antenna work. A lot of shoe throwing and repeated demands to my ho's for my motherfucking money. But no, it was a lot easier than the average person could even guess. They GIVE me the money for safe keeping and I run it over the bank. I keep an eye out for the po po. Oh, and I listen to all their complaints. About their mothers, their ex-husbands, their crappy childhoods. I'm deaf in my left ear so it's easier than it sounds. I've worked at McDonalds and I'm here to tell you: Pimping is A LOT easier than dealing with angry fat people."
