SPONSORED BY MARGOT KIDDER: SKULLGAME'S PATRON SAINT OF LURKING AROUND WOODPILES TOTALLY FUCKING HAMMERED
"WHAT YOU CALL A WOODPILE, I MERELY CALL HOME SWEET HOVEL. NOW IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME I HAVE SOME BUSHES TO TRIM."
SKULLGAME SALUTES INEBRIATION!!!!!!
SKULLGAME'S HABIB AND "FRIENDS": WHILE DRUG USE AND ABUSE RUNS RAMPANT THROUGH THE RANKS OF GLITTERTOWN'S TITTERATI, SKULLGAME TAKES A FIRM AND PRINCIPLED STANCE AGAINST SOBRIETY AS BEING THE PROVINCE OF PUSSIES AND SCOUNDRELS, SO SIT BACK, SHOOT UP, GET HIGH: EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE A-OK, AMERICA!!!
WHITNEY HOUSTON HIGH ON LIFE.....AGAIN
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Diva WHITNEY HOUSTON whose multi-octave vocalizing has thrilled generations of pre-menopausal women and homosexuals to no end, has finally succumbed to the meddling ministrations of so-called do-gooders and checked herself into the WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR GODDAMNED PROBLEM? WILLOWS Drug Rehab Center.
The star -- who is married to another COCAINE ACHIEVER R&B singer BOBBY BROWN--released a statement via her publicist Nancy Seltzer.
Seltzer told reporters, "Whitney thanks everyone for their support and prayers and says, and I'm quoting 'Ooooo...aroom. Hehehe... sheeeit. Y'know? Bitch azz....' It goes on for a few more pages but I think that sums it up. Well."
"...FO SNIZZLE, MY NIZZLE!!! HAHAH...SHEEIITTT..."
Houston in the Triple Crown of Cocaine was arrested in Hawaii in 2000 for being in possession of marijuana, crack, and crackedy crack crack, and has a well-documented history of narcotic use, shakily delivered blowjobs to valets, and shoplifting non-essential items like disposable douches for later resale despite still being worth more than $20 million annually.
In December, Brown was charged with a misdemeanor battery following a violent, crack-fueled altercation with his wife, who he had discovered ass-up under their gardener, RAMON. He is currently serving a 60-day prison sentence for breaking his parole.
The couple are parents to a 10-year-old daughter, Bobbie.
BRITTANY MURPHY'S ERRATIC BEHAVIOR
I AM SENSITIVE, ARTISTIC AND FUCKING HIGH AS A FUCKING KITE
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Hollywood star and semi-slut BRITTANY MURPHY infuriated journalists during her recent promotion of her newest crappy movie due to her wildly erratic behavior that suggests nothing if not her joining the latest celeb sorority of the HIGH and MIGHTY.
Murphy shocked assembled reporters when she decided to lie down in the middle of a press conference and put a napkin over her head, explaining she was tired of people looking at her.
The star also repeatedly rubbed a journalist's hand, telling her she looked cold, until the reporter finally forced Murphy to let go, as she was unable to write anything.
Then a TV crew had to abandon attempts to interview the 26-year-old because she kept singing, rather than answer their questions.
"DON'T MAKE ME SUCK YOUR COCK AGAIN!!!"
Murphy's representatives explained her client's behavior was due to her "natural warmness."
"Brittany's just a really sweet person. You know how some people have that wall built? She doesn't. She's very warm and welcoming. And high."
"She's an outgoing person. Outgoing to score. Outgoing to get high. Outgoing to gum the turgid members of her quasi-drug dealing retinue. I mean she's not one of those people who sits there cold in a chair."
COURTNEY LOVE IN TOTALLY UNEXPECTED COURT OUTBURST
OBJECTION TO MY CONTINUING TO GETTING HIGH IN THE LADIES ROOM FUCKING OVERRULED.
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- COURTNEY LOVE was told off by a Los Angeles judge early Tuesday after failing to hand over prescription drug information to prosecutors in her drug possession case.
The rocker was back in a Beverly Hills court for a preliminary hearing on two felony drug possession counts. The proceedings came to an abrupt halt when Love tried to cop from attending prosecutors.
THE EXPRESSION THAT COMES TO MIND: UGLY ON AN APE.
The judge admonished Love for her outburst and instructed her to let her attorney "handle the goddamned lawyering."
The case has been continued until April 15.
PARIS HILTON: STILL A SLUT, NOW JUST A SLOPPY SLUT
NO I'M NOT. LISTEN, IF I'M HIGH, YOU'RE FUCKING READING SKULLGAME
HOLLYWOOD (SkullGame) -- Ho heiress PARIS HILTON, no stranger to embarrassment, endured embarrassment over and above the normal cock-sucking variety at a Hollywood party, when she walked around with toilet paper dangling from her miniskirt.
The cocksuckstress attended the EMI music company's post-Grammy Awards bash at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art last month with her Backstreet Man boyfriend Nick Carter.
By 2 a.m., only 10 people were left at the party, including Hilton and Carter. Hilton then made a visit to the ladies' room.
An eyewitness says, "She came out of the ladies' room with about eight inches of toilet paper sticking out from the bottom of her dress.
"It was really embarrassing. Some of those left at the party wanted to tell her, but everyone was getting a laugh so no one said anything. Especially as the prominently protruding and Popeyesque crackpipe overshadowed the whole effect"
The paper eventually dislodged itself before Hilton and her beau left the gathering.
AND LAST BUT NOT GODDAMNED LEAST: THE SKULLGAME STORE!!!! WHY? BECAUSE YOU GOTTA LET YOUR BALLS HANG!!!!
