Filmco

Rating: FIVE "Marketing 101" BUSTED NUTS

If you were TRYING to come up with something so solidly lacking in appeal that it was suddenly appealing?

You would have this flick.

LAURIE VARGAS: BEFORE THE GOLD RUSH.

Complete with its winning, placing and showing on the troika of terror of that which does not appeal as it spreads itself in front of our waiting fists, angrily twisted around our withered tools, HAIRY ANAL SQUIRTING GANG BANG couldn't be more aptly named. Well, unless it also included MORBIDLY OBESE, ODORIFEROUS & HAIRY ANAL SQUIRTING TRANNY GANG BANGS as a DVD extra. And even THEN we know there'd be one guy [probably a guy on our staff named THE FLYING DUTCHMAN] lining up to praise the mise en scene of this film's director's oeuvre.

Whatever.

I guess I drew the short straw on this one because I came of age in the '70s, the land of hairy bush. And while I do miss certain things like fucking without worrying about AIDS, I most certainly do not miss stinky, hair laden snatch.

Not even a little bit.

Throw in pissing, er, squirting [yeah yeah, I know it's not piss...but do you really want it in your mouth? Especially given that the closest doctors can come to figuring out what that shit is, is to describe it as some sort of "pre-seminal fluid"?], AND the presence of a more than FIVE cocks at any given time and my head is goddamned swirling.

WHICH IS JUST WANT I WANT.

Under normal circumstances, I'd need a whole lot of weed to do that. Thanks to the folks at Filmco and a Sunday afternoon filled with nothing I got this for FREE. And could even drive my car afterward.

Right to church.

Where I am hoping a fair and goddamned just God will forgive my mortal soul for suggesting you buy this. -- VINNIE ROSE

Buy it NOW!