YO VINNIE,
My girlfriend had a problem with anal sex before. She won't tell me what it was but she sort of indicates that she had a "bad experience" with it. She's 24. Is there anything I could say to maybe swing things back around my way? -- JK (by email)

"THIS IS GREAT. UM, GREAT. NO, REALLY. LOTS OF FUN. YUP. YOU FINISHED YET?"

Dear TOOTHLESS HILLBILLY: Anything you could say that might allow someone to allow you to place your pee stick up their poop hole? I don't know. Did you try a cash offer? With or without a gun? Or, perhaps an offer of matrimony? Wait a minute. You didn't say you wanted to get fucked too. Hmmm. Anyways, did you try "the gentle friend"? That is, the errant digit that strays ass-ways and slowly, but surely, clues the unsuspecting to the hidden joys that might accrue as a result of their butt being banged by a sharing and caring fellow such as yourself? Hmmm...Shit. What about singing a song of ass sex? From the business end of a tongue? No?

Well, the reality of it is, that there could be any number of reasons why someone might not like their asshole fucked, and I'm not talking about voting the Green Party. I mean it doesn't feel good, they think it's dirty, they're religious lunatics and thing they'll go to hell for ass fuckery, they don't like YOU and can't figure out why YOU'RE so hung up on doing it, who the fuck knows?

I do know this: if ass fucking is what you want, since our collective numbers here at SkullGame are running about 50/50, dump her and get someone who likes it in the dumper.

Hunh? Wha? Who? Are you really suggesting that I break up with the love of my life for something as simple as her refusal to let me place my entire cock in her anal region?

Yes. Yes I am. Because dating is like a job interview: it ain't getting any better than this.

And flashing forward 30 years: do you wanna be a non-ass-fucking man, THEN?!?!?

Doesn't seem so crazy now, does it?

I didn't think so.