Yo Vinnie,
Why do all of you seem obsessed with coming on women's faces? Do you need to degrade women to feel better about yourself as men? And if it's so cool, why don't YOU all have YOUR faces come on? I mean if it's so much fun? -- no name (by email)

'NUFF SAID.

Dear HATES THE COCK: First things first: we don't have our faces come on because we, heterosexual men, with great infrequency, find ourselves on the business end of a sausage. Not finding ourselves on the business end of a sausage we also do not have OPPORTUNITIES for sex PLAY [and it is PLAY despite what you grim abbatoirs of joy might have us believe] that involves the mellow, mellow coconut oil.

Listen, as hard as this might be for you to believe, somewhere, some place there are people, real people, who's interest in sexual expression takes them to fields far and away from those trod upon by thems for whom sex either occurs the RIGHT way or the WRONG way. For some the WRONG way is the RIGHT way and versa vice.

So then we must add: what's an obsession? Are you asking do we come on our lover's faces 100 percent of the time? Or 50 percent of the time? Or one percent of the time? And why do we get the feeling that NEVER would be the perfect answer for you?

For our portion of the world FUCKING is like Picasso painting. We're artists creating from a whole cloth of divinely inspired expressions, a sense world of delights that sometimes includes LOADS ON THE FACE and sometimes includes CRANKS UP THE KEISTER. Without regard for tastes, political affiliations or social sensibilities.

What the world does with this kind of honest expression we don't know but at least in 2 percent of the cases it seems to involve pissy emails to porn comedy sites.

Good luck with all of that.