YO VINNIE,
Me and my girl and a bud were drinking the other night. Ran out of drink and as I was too drunk to go out to get more she said she would go. I didn't want her to go alone so I sent them walking the 11 blocks over to the liquor store without me. Well, apparently, on the way there, my bud grabbed her and started fucking her in the middle of some driveway. In the ass. He comes and when he comes he says, "I don't need those drinks after all" and runs off leaving her in the driveway, pants around her ankles, in the rain. She came home right away, alone, and told me and I'm not ashamed to say that I cried like a baby. He's no longer my friend and I've forgiven her but everybody (he told), our friends, now think I'm an idiot. Am I? -- Cuck Old (by email)

MOLLY? IF YOU COME BACK RIGHT NOW ALL WILL BE FORGIVEN. COME BACK, BABY. TO THE DRIVEWAY. IN THE RAIN. IN THE ASS. PLLLLEEEAASSSSEEEE.....

Dear King of the Hill: WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY KNOW?!?!? I mean WHAT THE FUCK DO THEY KNOW?!?!? After all of the letters we've gotten in the last few weeks with youse guys mewling about broads who DON'T like their pussies eaten, DON'T like to fuck on any day other than Tuesday, DON'T like the come on the face, DON'T take it in the keister, DON'T DON'T DON'T, when YOU'VE found a woman who so clearly DOES we're hardpressed to see that you've been anything other than a Prince here, nay, a KING because my friend, you are absolutely, positively married to a QUEEN. I mean where the fuck to start: she offered to get more booze for you? She got fucked? In the ass? In a driveway? In the rain? And the guy ran off leaving her standing there pulling up her underwear and she came back and told you and admitted that it turned her on [had to edit that part out for space] and even sucked you off in your moment of doubt and shame, taking a load full on the lips and she's ONLY 21?!?!?

FUCK THOSE IDIOTS.

We're giving serious thought to rededicating the site to her.

And I can almost hear all you broads out there scratching your DON'T heads and saying, "this chick's a disgusting whore...DON'T expect ME to do this shit any time soon!"

Sure: women are from Venus, men are from Mars, and girls like this guy's girl, name of MOLLY (sorry, we're fucking waiving confidentiality here) is from the planet GREAT GOD ALMIGHTY.

My only corrective: if your dude had done the right thing and come back and told you himself what had happened can the waterworks, shake his hand and double team her right on the spot.

But since he did not do this just thank him for shining a light on how great she is and stop speaking to him again for not bringing back the goddamned booze that you gave him 40 fucking dollars for.