YO VINNIE,
I got a listless, endless handjob from a woman who talked about stuff on the TV the whole time and the only way I could get out of it was to pretend to fall asleep. Did I play this wrong? Oh, if I didn't mention it before: she did this while naked and refusing me sex on the grounds of "not knowing me well enough." Would roofies have been so wrong in this instance? -- ITALIAN SAL PACINO (by email)

"OH YEAH, BABY. THIS IS GREAT. KINDA LIKE ME DOING IT, ONLY WORSE."

Dear SALVATORE: In this instance I would use either what in the Pro Player's Handbook would be either described as the VIVA LAS VEGAS or THE DOCTOR. The VIVA LAS VEGAS is my patented maneuver, ideally performed in a LAS VEGAS hotel room over the skirt of a clearly frightened and weeping girl upon whose dress I had just jerked a load. The VIVA LAS VEGAS can also describe the proffering of the penis at grossly inappropriate times to those who least expect it, and in this instance, YOUR instance, the VIVA LAS VEGAS would be most appropriately applied as it was by me recently upon the waiting face of a woman for whom the hip-thrusting, pointing at my cock and me saying "take your fucking clothes off" was not enough to get the point across. The VIVA LAS VEGAS: it may not work, but you feel better for having pulled it off.

THE DOCTOR? Well, this was named after SkullGame's own THE DOCTOR and it involves, once you are in a private place with the cooze of your choosing, an unremitting and unyielding attack, like the beaches at Normandy, upon the corpus and body of the slut at your disposal. Octopus-like you go frantically from the crotch to the knobs to the mouth to the VIVA LAS VEGAS (a subset of THE DOCTOR) to the ass and repeat as often as necessary until she flees, or succumbs to your superior firepower.

But roofies? While amateurs and necrophiliacs seem to prefer these, these largely seem to me to be failing strategems of men who like other men as that's exactly what they find when they go to jail for this stupid shit. Me? I'm too much of an egomaniac to want a woman to be anything other than painfully unconscious when I'm degrading us both.