YO VINNIE,
Is there any special reason that I have to work as hard as I do to fuck women? I mean I am a handsome guy, funny/charming, good job, not married, height/weight proportionate and 36 years old. And I live in San Fran aka Gay Town. So I should have plenty of chances. But no. One woman even went so far as to tell me she was rejecting me because my body was TOO good. You all speak of getting laid a lot. So I have one question: HOW? -- The Baffler (by email)

DO WE GET WAIVERS & FRIES WITH THAT?

Dear BAFFLED BY BITCHES: HOW?!!? HOW?!?!? Only through Nietzschean levels of will, drive and dog-headed perserverance do we manage to do as well as we do because in San Francisco, despite it being so-called Gay Town, we still have to deal with SF's whole anti-obviousness directive [if it's OBVIOUS that you have a cock that's not interested in other cock, you have too much cock: isn't that OBVIOUS?!?!?]. ITALIAN SAL himself was on his way to succeeding quite handily with some coffee shop slut but whilst they were making plans to either go back to his place, or hers, he was doodling on a table napkin and doodled a cock with big puffy running shoes and a Kangol on. The pock-marked faced woman was unduly put out, date with dick effectively sidelined.

WHAT WHY HOW?!?!?

Because in the land of the second string players the pock marked-face fuck is queen. And while the average man would take this as a referendum on HIS attractiveness and switch strategies we, much like the text book definition of insanity, do the same thing again and again and expect different results despite the fact that it's increasingly clear to us that women in Northern California hate the cock.

So we bide our time, like Rocky, developing all kinds of skills and anti-rejection muscles, for the right time when we move from San Francisco to a place (LA?) where our great fuck musculature and resistance to hater action will mark us the virtual supermen we really are and the world will be ours.

Until then?

Until then we keep telling chicks with hair growing out of moles on their faces that we'd love to go to that art gallery/poetry reading/fire dance thing with them, grit our fucking teeth and dream of a day in the future in a galaxy far, far away where the cock has legions of friends with tits and love abounds.

Glad to be able to help.