Our esteemed board of directors work on the Protocols of the Elders of Zion AND the Slattern Symposium. Simultaneously, no less.
AND WHAT'S MORE I WOULDN'T GIVE THIS PASTRAMI TO A DOG!
SHERYL CROW: DRY-HUMPING WHORE? OR NOT?
BEFORE THE RIFF RIP OFFS, BEFORE THE LONGEST, MOST UNDESERVED JAUNT DOWN THE WALK OF FAME, THERE WAS THE SLUTTERY
FRANCE (SkullGame) -- Actually boned by an esteemed member of the SKULLGAME family, SHERYL CROW, stealer of songs and semen, while purportedly better in bed than the destroyer of musical careers ROSANNA ARQUETTE, actually a LOT better in bed, is now splitting hairs with LANCE ARMSTRONG. Says Armstrong "Sheryl's a great girl, and obviously more than just a friend. It's a big commitment on her part to live a life of a cycling girlfriend or wife, and do laundry and cook food, and do all of the things that wives or girlfriends do. She's been there every day for me, and she has a big life. She's not just a bike fan -- she's also a rock star."
And a SLUT, Lance. Yes, a slut. Especially if by slut you mean a woman who will steal your songs. And semen. But mostly semen.
COMPARISON POINT: ROSANNA ARQUETTE.
A GLASS OF WINE, A STAGGER IN THE SURF AND THOU...
Supposedly not so good in the sack but we'd fuck her just to get close to her fine-ass sister. And while she did go out with that guy from fucking TOTO, this works against rather than adds to the slut factor.
SKULLGAME VOTE: SHERYL CROW is a thieving slut who will stop at nothing to get all of your songs AND semen.
HEIDI FLIESS: MAKING IT TOO EASY OR NOT?
AT WORK, REST AND PLAY, SHE'S A SLUT IN EVERYWAY
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Yes. Very definitely. Especially with this book she's supposed to be putting out on ESCORTING. Ah, well, you know, you gotta let a ho be a ho. And a slut.
COMPARISON POINT: DEMI MOORE.
"DUDE, WHERE'S MY FUCKING SENSE OF DECORUM?" MRS. ASHTON KUTCHER WONDERS
She fucked BRUCE WILLIS. Which is cool. But he's an anti-porn Republican. Which is not. But he dumped her to go out with a porn star. Which is cool. But which has the unintended effect of making Demi, LESS of a slut.
SKULLGAME VOTE: The Ho that WILLIS, according to press reports, enjoyed ample anal sex with.
This concludes the first installment of our multi-week symposium. On sluts. More in-depth examinations on the basis of our collective insider information as the talks progress. On sluts.
ACCUSED SERIAL RAPIST WAS GAY PORN STAR TRYING A LITTLE TOO HARD TO PROVE SOMETHING
GAY, HUNH?!?! I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S GAY!!!
ASPEN (SkullGame) -- Accused of raping five women in the Boulder and Lakewood areas, former Aspen real-estate agent and Snowmass snowboard instructor BRADFORD T. WAGNER was employed in the 1990s as gay porn star, TIM BARNETT, in West Hollywood, Calif., SKULLGAME has learned.
"I just can't believe it, but that's him," said a former acquaintance of Wagner's when viewing gayer than gay porn promotional material featuring photographs of Wagner gaying it up. While gay snowboarders are no surprise what is a surprise is the fact that Wagner was a gay-porn star who allegedly became a serial rapist: an almost unheard of scenario, said Jean McAllister, executive director of the Colorado Coalition Against Sexual Assault.
"Sexual orientation and sex offending are two different things and it's important to keep those separate," she said. "Also it should be remembered that sexual assault is an act of violence and people may be involved in sexual violence against a number of people that may not be related to their sexual orientation."
So you're saying he's gay?
"Oh yes. We're not really convinced that the whole woman raping thing was anything other than a gay attempt to conceal his mincing and sashaying affection for all things cock, which in turn was driving his desire for incarceration and deeper and more committed man on man action. Moreover, not only did he rape them, but he also gave them backrubs, had lunch with them, listened to their problems and went shopping with one no fewer than three times. So yes. It's an open and shut case: we don't care how many women he raped, he'll always be gay in our eyes."
THE HAND OVER FIST REPORT SPOTLIGHT ON RED LIGHT DISTRICT
RICK SOLOMON, COCK AND PARIS HILTON NEGOTIATING THEIR RECENT SEMEN EXTRACTION
San Fernando Valley (SkullGame) -- PARIS HILTON is a slut. This is a given. RED LIGHT DISTRICT purchased the PARIS HILTON tape and the right to sell and show it for $400,000. They also gave a piece of it to Stuntcock Solomon, AND the Hilton family, for every unit sold.
They wholesaled it for no less than $22.
They sold 200,000 in the FIRST WEEK.
Our point? Sluttery sells!!!
Nuff fucking said.
