SKULLGAME'S YOZA has had a TOUGH goddamned weekend. While the rest of us had to fuck our sluts in beds? That's right: Yoza, what on account of being a surfer, had to maximize the usage of available resources by fucking his slut...HERE!!!...
...IN THE ASS!
NEGRO HATER EDDIE VAN HALEN DISCOVERS THE FOUNTAIN OF FENTANYL, FORTIFIED WINES. CANCELS TOUR IN ORDER TO DISCOVER THEM MORE DEEPLY.
"I AM HOT FOR TEACHER...HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW?!?!?"
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- Old drunk EDDIE VAN HALEN has revealed his "super"group's "reunion" plans have stalled because he needs to check into rehab in order to, um, you know "help them out with a few things."
In a "message" to "fans," the rocker admits he put a planned reunion tour on hold because he felt he wouldn't be able to perform at his best in regards to the whole drinking vodka and pawing the pudenda of pre-teens from trailer parks where mullets are worn thing.
The guitarist had reconciled with original Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth, who he forgave for killing Christ, and they announced dates with Van Halen's brother Alex and Eddie's teenage son Wolfgang.
But the tour plans hit a snag called reality last month and shows were mysteriously postponed due to reality. Moreover, rumors circulated that the reunion itself had hit a stumbling block called reality and that Van Halen and Roth had fallen out -- but now the guitarist has revealed the real reason for the postponed dates: reality.
In a letter to Rolling Stone magazine, Van Halen writes, "Y'all still published by that Jew homo?"
SKULLGAME NOMINATES KATE WINSLET'S TITS FOR SOMEHOW MANAGING TO CHANGE THEIR APPEARANCE ACCORDING TO HER WHIM.
FROM THIS
TO THIS.
Surely this awesome power might be harnessed to improve prospects for all humanity.
FIRST THE MILITARY KICKS OUT THE HOT BITCH, NOW THEY'RE HANGING AROUND WITH MICHAEL JACKSON. SURE WE WANT TO SUPPORT THE TROOPS BUT THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
LIPSTICK, A LURKING PRIEST & A CERTIFICATE OF APPRECIATION: SURE SIGNS THEY BEEN IN FALLUJAH A LITTLE TOOOOOO LONG
TOKYO (SkullGame) -- MICHAEL JACKSON greeted thousands of U.S. troops and their family members at a U.S. Army base south of Tokyo Saturday, taking a break from days of parties with die-hard fans and well-heeled business people.
About 3,000 troops and their family members gathered at a fitness center at Camp Zama. Jackson walked around shaking hands and exchanging words to thank them for their service.
"Those of you in here today are some of the most special people in the world," Jackson told the crowd, reading from a statement. "It is because of you in here today, and others who so valiantly have given their lives to protect us, that we enjoy our freedom. To help the children. With things that they may need. Like help with their zippers."
Jackson, 48, arrived in Japan last Sunday for his second trip in less than a year to attend parties including an extravagant gala held Thursday in Tokyo. The reclusive pop icon was the guest of honor at the lavish party aimed at a well-heeled business crowd — though the roughly 400 people who showed up were mainly die-hard fans, and more than 100 ORPHANS AND HANDICAPPED CHILDREN who were invited for free and had to be pushed into the room where Jackson held court.
When reached for comment Military Police Officer PETER GUY said, "first we kick out the HOT BITCH and now THIS?!?!
Goddamn TYPICAL."
BELLADONNA GOES TO UC IRVINE. TO LECTURE. ON MAKING TUITION. ONE LOAD AT A TIME.
"AS A MOTHER TO A DAUGHTER, A NON-COLLEGE GRADUATE & AN INVETERATE CONSUMER OF LOADS I KNOW BETTER THAN ANYONE: DON'T DO ANAL FOR ANYTHING UNDER 5 BILLS!"
IRVINE (SkullGame) -- Performer, whore, Mormon, anal addict, mother and director BELLADONNA was a guest speaker at UC Irvine for a Sociology of Sexuality class lecture Thursday evening.
With a class attendance of 350, plus about 402 "special guests" porno was shown, meth was railed, nuts were juggled and a Q&A session, which included Belladonna, fellow performers Justin Long, Jon Jon and porno, meth and juggled nuts, was had. The clips showed different genres of porn scenes, including lesbian, solo, boy/girl, interracial, transexual and some KURT LOCKWOOD-esque gay porn. One of the clips chosen for girl/girl interaction was from Evil Angel's first Belladonna-directed movie, EVIL PINK.
This clip has been a part of the class curriculum for the past four years, while adult performers have been guest speaking for the past two years in the surest set yet that this goddamned country is the greatest goddamned country on the face of the earth.
