WHAT IS BIG, TITTY & COME ALL OVER?

WENDY WHOPPERS, HAVING SPENT THANKSGIVING WITH VINNIE ROSE IN 1990, WOULD NEVER, EVER BE THE SAME. AGAIN. EVER. WHAT ON ACCOUNT OF THE COCK THING. AND ALL.

Porn, like bad tribal tattoos, works in trends. That is: we collectively decide, somehow, that we like jerking off to sort of the same things at sort of the same time.

What we used to jerk off to: Pubic hair, big hair and big giant fake tits, and flicks with "production" "values" that stressed some sort of yearning for art and/or deeper meanings than just loads. Add in fake tans, no tattoos, lots of make up and swimming pools. Always swimming pools.

What we now jerk off to: No pubic hair, bad tribal tattoos and that girl-next-door-who-is-a-slut freshness complete with flat chests/real knobs and vids with one couch, one camera and a whooooollllleeeee lot of loads. Loads and loads of loads. Usually delivered from a crank that came straight from the crapper and heading straight for her mouth. And not so many swimming pools.

The point is, tectonically, shit changes. And while you might think porn is as immune to the vagaries of changing styles as something like boxing is resistant to non-felons, the reality is it all changes and a website like BUSTY CLASSICS drives this home in more ways than one.

Sure there's a timeless quality to CHRISTY CANYON but her tits were real. I'm talking about all those surgical wonders of big titology. Racks that screamed San Fernando. And this weird emphasis on hypercartoonized fucktresses...they're as 80's as swirly and miserably dated tribal tattoos are I'm-a-homosexual-90's kind of guy.

So this site's a mixed bag, simultaneously a walk down mammary lane and a bitter reminder that yes, you yourself, once fell for the most fucked up sleight of hand ever: plastic bags filled with fluid does not a fuckstress make [hence the non-career of a WENDY WHOPPERS]. But, for the briefest of moments, this site can, like dancing around your room in your underwear to BOB SEGER, seem like a really fucking good idea. Though just not as gay.