YO VINNIE,
My boyfriend's a reader of what I think is your fucking unfunny site and so I send this email only in the name of hoping he can read it and see that wanting to piss on your girlfriend's face isn't what I consider to be a standard expression of sexuality and I'm sure even YOU all will agree that out of the letters you get, most of them do not ask questions about piss, talk about piss or even ask for pissing techniques like it is NORMAL. Am I wrong? -- Abigail (by email)

"GAR-GLE, GAR-GLE...SPLUTTER...SPUT...SPUT..." LOVE IS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY...FOR PISSING IN SOMEONE'S MOUTH.

Dear ABBY: Yes. Yes, you are wrong. Our site is VERY funny, you bitch, you. Even outside of that your issue with piss has stumbled headlong into symbolism. WHAT'S IT MEAN? WHAT'S IT MEAN THAT HE WANTS TO PISS IN MY FACE? Well, in this instance it probably means that he wants to piss in your face...perhaps because with a mouthful of golden sunshine you're not so negatively talkative. Perhaps, but we can't be sure. In any case my point is this: outside of it being warm...like shower water...and from his cock...like semen...or salty...like sweat....most aversions to piss play are all tangled up in early life education connecting piss to dirt to hell.

This is not a connection that's supported even by the most stringent evangelicals.

I AM THE LORD, THY GOD, YOU SHALL NOT PISS IN YOUR NEIGHBOR'S FACE. EVEN IF SAID NEIGHBOR THINKS IT MIGHT BE A KICK. OR I'LL HAVE TO SEND YOU & THAT JEW OVER THERE TO HELL.

You won't hear that. Nope. In fact, you won't hear any of that because, it is our belief, God wants us to piss in each other's faces. In fact I'd suggest you suggest this. "You piss on me babe and then I'll piss on you." And see how far that goes.

Now if he's a stud like us he says, "sure. Lemme go first." [Whether or not it's a 68 situation where I owe you 1 later or not changes depending on time and temperament.] If he's hung up like you are, he says, "ewwwww...." In which case he can go fuck himself.

Otherwise, let fly. De-symbolize it. Have a ball. A pissy yellow ray of urea-based fun.

End note: You are right, however. Most people do not piss in each other's faces. And the world is a poorer place because of it.