FROM the SkullGame Brainstorm File: "OK. How's 'bout THIS: a Match.com for Axis power members, neo-nazis and wily Japs? We call it WhiteManRiseUp.com and make a MINT? Hunh? Hunh? Think about it. It's got fucking potential...." JIMMY THE G makes an unsolicited appearance as a result of having figured out how to use his digital camera.
"HEIR HITRER!!!"
RICH FRANKLIN? GAY?
VERY POSSIBLY. YES.
LAS VEGAS (SkullGame) -- He came, he saw, he got knocked the fuck out in the 1st round.
A JUDGE ROY BEAN REPORT: STEVE LYONS FIRED FOR RACIALLY PROVOCATIVE ON-AIR COMMENT. “BUT THEY DO STEAL,” LYONS RETORTS, “CASE IN POINT: WHAT DID THE MEXICAN GET FOR CHRISTMAS? YOUR BIKE! WHAT?”
STEVE LYONS COMMENTS ON ALLEGATIONS OF RACISM AT AN OCT. 13TH PRESS CONFERENCE: “SPRAYPAINT CANNOT BE MADE TO SIGN A LEGALLY BINDING DOCUMENT, Y’KNOW? SAY, WHAT DO YOU CALL A LAWYER WITHOUT A MEXICAN. UNEMPLOYED! WHAT?”
DETROIT (SkullGame)—Infamous Fox baseball broadcasting bigot Steve Lyons has reportedly been fired for what the network claims was a “racially insensitive comment” aimed at on-air colleague Lou Pinella during the third game of the AL championship series.
Piniella, during the second inning of the Detroit/Oakland game Friday, drew an analogy between Marco Scutaro’s hitting success and “finding a wallet on Friday,” claiming that Oakland’s Frank Thomas needed to get “en fuego” in order to win the game, to which Lyons replied ”Funny I can't find my wallet. Say, Lou, why do Mexicans wear sombreros? So they can have a place to store their tacos when they are stealing your hubcaps! What?”
A visibly distraught Piniella, who immediately began reprimanding the on-air personality, was met with a hand-wave before Lyons stated, "I don't understand him, and I don't want to sit too close to him now. Say, why don’t they teach driver’s education and sex education on the same day in Mexico? Because they don’t want to wear out the burro! What?”
“I was just kidding”, Lyons claimed shortly thereafter. “Say, why were there only 3000 Mexicans at the Alamo? They only had 4 cars! What?”
According to Fox, this was not Lyons’ first racist offense. A spokesman for the network told SkullGame reporters that Lyons was suspended in 2004 for a remark about the Los Angeles Dodgers' Shawn Green after Green opted out of a game scheduled against the San Francisco Giants on Yom Kippur.
“Say, how do you tell a Mexican girl from a Jewish girl,” Lyons asked Fox viewers, “The Mexican’s jewelry is fake, but her orgasms are real! What?”
Lyons also allegedly pulled his pants down on air during his fielding days with the Boston Red Sox. When questioned by reporters immediately following the incident, the 1981 first-round draft pick said “It just felt like the most appropriate form of celebration. Say, how do you get a Mexican woman pregnant? Jerk off in her shoes and let the flies do the rest! What?”
STAY THE COURSE IN IRAQ? REPUBLICAN-LED PANEL SAYS, "WHAT THE FUCK FOR? WE CAN FUCK TEENAGERS JUST AS WELL OVER HERE."
YOU'RE GODDAMNED RIGHT IT DOES. ALL EXCEPT MY BILLIONS & BILLIONS OF U.S. DOLLARS. NOW THAT I BRING BACK HOME.
WASHINGTON (SkullGame) — A commission backed by President Bush that is exploring U.S. options in Iraq intends to propose "significant fucking changes" in the administration's strategy by early next year, members say.
Two options under consideration would represent reversals of U.S. policy: withdrawing American troops in fast moving vehicles, preferably Porsche 928s, as well as bringing neighboring Iran and Syria into a joint effort to catch a few nuclear missiles that we understand they've been asking for. While it weighs alternatives, the 10-member commission headed by former Secretary of State James A. Baker III has agreed on one principle.
"It's sure as fucking shit is not going to be 'stay the course,' " one participant said. "Bush has REALLY fucked this up. LeMay's spinning in his grave right about now. But the bottom line is, [current U.S. policy] is working about as well as the average white man in the manufacturing sector.... There's just got to be another goddamned way."
It's unclear how willing Bush is to change his strategy, however, which presently focuses on improving security in Baghdad, mountain biking, fishing for perch, training Iraqi security forces to count by 100 and pressing the Iraqi government to forge a political agreement among warring factions. And shit.
P. DIDDY: "JENNIFER LOPEZ? REFRESH MY MEMORY."
"UM...ONE OF THESE BROADS? BOTH? GIMME A CLUE: THE ONE WITH NO PANTIES. YOU KNOW HOW MANY I MEET WITH NO PANTIES?!?!" DIDDY ON MEMORY LANE.
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- Rap mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs insists he was never in love with ex-girlfriend JENNIFER LOPEZ -- because he has always loved current partner Kim Porter, whoever she might be.
The Latina beauty fell for Combs in 1999 after splitting from her first husband Ojani Noa, while the rapper had ended his relationship with model Porter, who gave birth to their son Christian in 1996. Porter successfully sued Combs for an increase in child support in 2001, but the couple managed to put their financial issues aside to find love again under the "Cheaper To Keep Her" statute in 2003 -- and the former model is now pregnant with twins.
In reflection, Combs admits his relationship with Lopez, whoever she might be, wasn't the great love affair of his life.
He says, "When I was with...who were we talking about again? Oh, me? Yeahhhh...."
