Diabolic Digital

Rating: FOUR "It's 1% Perspiration, 99% Asspiration" BUSTED NUTS

It must be well-documented by now that I like my porn as filthy and disgusting as possible (minus dwarfs and grandmothers – whoever gets off on that shit can rot in hell as far as I’m concerned. Sorry, VINNIE). ANAL ASSPIRATIONS #3 – judging by the opening credits – looks set to be exactly that, with one eye-popping cum-swap between EVELIN and MORINA almost bringing my dinner back up.

Yummy.

"FOR MY NEXT BIT MY ASS WILL IMITATE A PINCUSHION!!!" ANGELINA CROW, 100% PROFESSIONAL.

Make no mistake, the asses here are pretty damn tight – though the holes at their center definitely aren’t. Slim, muscular, nasty girls with a definite line in heroin chic… just what the doctor ordered (should your doctor be dealing in ‘special stuff,’ like mine does). In fact ANGELINA CROW'S enthusiasm for a giant cock up her butt is almost worrying – notice how easily her finger slides up her poochute before she’s even anywhere near a dick. This bitch clearly has to wear incontinence pants on a first date. Just to be on the safe side.

Yeah so a couple of these girls look like they could do with a good meal or two, but with sex as debauched as this, I’ll take ‘em as they come. In fact it’s almost like a guided tour of sexual oddities – ESTHER’s pussylips take the phrase ‘beef curtains’ to a whole new extreme, and one dude’s cock sports a wart (at least, I think it’s a wart) SO big I was hoping a girl might snag it with her teeth on the outtakes, to comical injury effect. Sadly, no such luck.

Best of the bunch is covergirl LISA ROSE, a gorgeous eurowhore with a killer tan and a pout to ruin dicks with. Oh yes, and she takes it feverishly up the shitbox, like every other girl here. I think all we DON’T see is the crackden afterparty, as I think most of these lovelies have substituted food for a full-on Class A habit. Still, I ain’t complaining… bring me my crackpipe and cockring, Jeeves. -- TEABAG

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