SUPERBOWL MARRED BY YET ANOTHER JACKSONESQUE SEX CRIME
MS. JACKSON CHECKS TO MAKE SURE HER TIT HASN'T BEEN STOLEN, WHILE DRUG-CRAZED NEGRO SEX FIEND WHO'S NOT HER BROTHER LOOKS ON
NEW YORK (SkullGame) -- CBS and MTV both say they had no idea that their Super Bowl show would wind up with the Al Jolsonesque JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE tearing onto the stage, in a state best described as "fucking rooted tooted," to attempt to steal the breasts of the performing Janet Jackson.
While Timberlake pins the blame on a "wardrobe malfunction," nearly 1 million attendees blame it on him sucking. Like a lot.
"We were inundated with calls about that crazy Nigga," said SECRETARY OF STATE COLIN POWELL. "I got the FCC on it but how come everytime they got a Nigga problem up in here," he groused, "they gotta call me?"
The singer and the incredible simulation of an African American singer were performing when Timberlake singing, "Rock Your Body," said "I'm gonna have you naked by the end of this song."
"I WILL STEAL YOUR HEART. AND YOUR TITS"
With that, Timberlake reached across Jackson's leather gladiator outfit, tugging on it and his cock, before finally succeeding in pulling it off.
"We were extremely disappointed by elements of the MTV-produced halftime show," Joe Browne, NFL executive vice president, said. "They were totally inconsistent with assurances our office was given that the show would suck as aggressively as it usually does. Like when it sucks so bad that you think your brain is going to die. Like that bad. Instead it was even worse, if that's possible.
"See by holding out the specter of hope that it might actually fail to achieve total suckitude we created an unrealistic downward expectation that has probably succeeded in destroying the moral fiber of a nation weaned on the heavily suckacious. I...I believe this means that the terrorists have already won."
SKULLGAME DEEPLY ASHAMED AT STAFFER MARRING NATIONAL EVENT
HOUSTON (SkullGame) -- It deeply saddens us here at MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME that one of our own, ENGLISH BOB has made international headlines in the most unexpected fashion.
"I'M A GODDAMNED AMBASSADOR OF GOOD FUCKING WILL!!!!
During the second-half kickoff of the Super Bowl was delayed after Bob dressed as a referee ran onto the field, stripped down to a G-string and shoes, then started dancing at the 30-yard line.
New England linebacker Matt Chatham leveled the man, identified as Mark Francis Roberts, as he ran from security personnel. The 39-year-old Roberts, who had the name of a gambling Web site scribbled across his chest, was hogtied and carried off the field by police screaming
"SKULLGAME, BLOKES. BE ABOUT IT!!!.
She said Roberts got into the game with a legitimate ticket, and his referee outfit was held together with Velcro, making it easy for him to rip it off in one movement. He was charged with criminal trespass and public intoxication, and was to be booked into either the city or county jail, she said.
"He is telling police he's from Liverpool, England. He also claims he is an international streaker and that he has done this at other sporting facilities," Aponte said.
We are deeply, deeply, deeply, fucking so deeply ashamed by all of this. Especially if by ashamed you mean totally unconcerned.
EDITORIAL: YOU'RE FUCKING SHITTING ME, RIGHT? NO FUCKING WAY!!!
Pop star, Peter Pan wannabe, and total fucking lunatic MICHAEL JACKSON, who stands accused of plying a young cancer patient with wine to get him to submit to his sexual advances, has been treated for an addiction to Demerol, morphine, alcohol and hairless cock, on a number of occasions, according to a new bombshell report from the Institute of The Totally Obvious.
OH YEAH, BABY. I'LL HAVE ANOTHER OR 10 SEVEN-UPS
Vanity Fair writer Maureen Orth charges in an upcoming issue of Vanity Fair magazine that a doctor contacted one of Jackson's advisers and warned him, "Either the drugs are going to kill him or he's going to die by flying out of a window because he thinks he can fly. You better get someone here he'll listen to."
So they immediately, two years later, in a move described by Irony as "totally fucking ironic," contacted Dr. Neil Ratner, a former rock drummer turned anesthesiologist.
Jackson apparently still routinely swigs wine from soda cans so only insiders know he's drinking alcohol, Orth says. And he calls white wine "Jesus juice" and red wine "Jesus blood."
