PARIS HILTON HUMPER RICK SALOMON SADLY RETURNS TO HIS WIFE SHANNON DOHERTY
“THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY,” HE SAID, STARING SADLY AT HIS SHOES. “SO HAPPY.”
"NOW DO I SUCK OR DO I BLOW? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BOTH?"
Bitch-on-wheels SHANNON DOHERTY, smelling smoke where there’s fire, has reportedly inveigled her way back in the downward spiraling suffocation hold she had on estranged husband RICK SALOMON, the man who hasn’t done much other than fuck fine celeb skank and who was looking forward to an immediate future of fucking more celebrity skank until SHE showed up.
OH, GOD OF ABRAHAM, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?
The pair broke up as the home video -- recorded when they weren't together -- hit the Internet and sparked a worldwide scandal, interest, and PR value that attracted the whorish Doherty like ugly to a goddamned ape.
A visibly miffed Salomon was quoted as saying “Great. Just fucking great.”
KIDMAN PARTIES INTO THE EARLY HOURS
Because she likes her PRIVACY.
JUST LEEEAVVVVEEEE ME ALONE!!!
PINK, WHO NEVER MET A CAMERA SHE DIDN’T LIKE WARNS TOMMY “SALAMI” LEE OFF POSSIBLE SEX FILM FUCKING
Pop punk PINK has warned her new boyfriend Tommy Lee she will "ram the lens where he's never filmed before" if she finds he's been shooting their saucy sex sessions.
YES, THIS IS A TONGUE. THIS IS ALSO A PLACE WHERE YOU'RE JUST AS LIKELY TO FIND A SCHLONG AS YOU ARE A TONGUE BUT I THINK YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT
A source says, "She's having a lot of fun with Tommy but she knows his reputation. She's very open minded about sex but she's told him that if she ever finds a lens pointed at her bed she'll rip it off and ram it where not even he's filmed before.
"She's doesn't want to be the next Paris Hilton, sneaking around the town in a false beard and raincoat to avoid pervy comments.”
THE PROOF OF THE PUDDING IS IN THE TASTING AND THIS TASTES, UNDENIABLY, LIKE SKANK HO
Yeah yeah, sure. Goddamned it, we think we’re going to be sick.
IF HABIB SEZ IT IS SO, THEN IT MUST BE SO...
VINNIE ROSE IS A GODDAMNED BADASS
There are some things you probably dont know about our very own
VINNIE ROSE. Things like when he isn't drowning himself in bottles of
mysterious pills and, red wine while watching porn; he is a fucking ROCK
STAR.
Not in a Peter Frampton or Lionel Ritchie kind of way, but more of a GG
Allin and Miles Davis kind of way. You know, the totally genius "I'm never
making a fucking dime from this shitty gig" type of way.
THE MAN ON THE RIGHT IS, VERY POSSIBLY, AN INTERPRETIVE DANCER NOT NAMED VINNIE ROSE
I recently caught this amputee midget circus freakshow for about the third time. And if you know Vinnie then you know goddamned well that he was happier than a priest in a preschool to be playing a GAY BIKER BAR. What better place is there to get into a fight that you absolutely positively don't want to lose but there?
Early in the evening 4 of us stood out side (meanwhile ITALIAN SAL was nowhere to be found, presumably he was in the club looking for a closet within which to sit his broad in) laughing at a sign on the wall. A DRUNKEN SANTA'S HOLIDAY FRENZY party at the leather bar. Genius.
Then up pops a head from off in the distance screaming "ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?!?!" Like lightning VINNIE "Im A Fighter Not A Lover" ROSE is all up in the guy's face excitedly bobbing up and down in that trained fighter stance that if you are NOT a trained fighter and you see, you should run as fast as you fucking can.
VINNIE SEZ: EXERCISE EXTREME CAUTION ON MACK AVENUE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FIND YOURSELF WAKING UP MORE THAN ONCE A DAY
In this instant the gay biker on acid realized the 4 following things.
1) He has Vinnie FUCKING Rose in his face.
2) That he is starting a fight with 4 guys.
3) That maybe we actually weren't laughing at him.
4) All he needs is a hug. A long passionate hug from each and every one of
us.
So naturally he Eddie Coatesed out and went back to laying his head on a telephone poll and crying over his lost boyfriend. At that point we really
were laughing AT him. Ironic isn't it.
Other misc happenings of the night included:
1) some weird old man randomly talking to me about how he knows the leader of the Hell's Angels.
2) Myself going into the port-a-potty (yes that was the bathroom) and
pissing all over the toilet paper, all over the seat and all over the floor
just to be an asshole.
3) The 4 Ft Fetus and I (and later some 40 year old broad) randomly running into people on purpose and knocking over an estimated $450 worth of drinks.
And as always it was a pleasure to to see Vinnie, it was also a pleasure to meet ITALIAN SAL and his broad who further confirmed the genius of SAL'S "FROM THE BOARD ROOM, TO THE BEDROOM, TO THE BATHROOM, TO THE CLOSET" story.
So for all of you who don't think we are for real then test us, JUST FUCKING
TEST US!!!!!!
