COURTNEY LOVES COCK & DETOX
DRINKS FOR ALL MY FUCKING FRIENDS
Troubled MULTIMILLIONAIRE, alleged murderess, and ex-rocker COURTNEY LOVE has checked into the WHAT’S YOUR GODDAMNED PROBLEM? detox center.
The star, absofuckinglutely hangbasted on prescription drugs, overdosed only a short time after being arrested, felt up, and charged with drug possession back in October when she declared “I AM DRUG FREE AND FUCKING LOVING IT.” Her stay at a Malibu center is thought to be a pointless bid to keep her sorry white multimillion dollar ass out of prison when she returns to court next week.
Her lawyer Ron Fischetti said, "She checked herself in, um, voluntarily," over the Thanksgiving weekend.
I LOVE THE CIRCLE K PARKING LOT. JUST LOVE IT.
Courtney, between nodding out and scratching herself, is currently battling with her former mother-in-law to keep custody of Frances Bean, her 11-year-old daughter with her late husband, murder victim, and multimillionaire Nirvana singer Kurt Cobain.
BRIDGET FONDA WEDS THAT ASSHOLE FROM OINGO BONGO
Professional famous person’s off-spring Bridget Fonda, taking momentary leave of her senses, agreed to marry the aging, distended and liver-spotted 50-year-old singer from OINGO BOINGO.
WE GUESS THOMAS DOLBY, ANOTHER SLIGHTLY RIDICULOUS OLD MAN FROM THE 1980s, WAS BUSY
MY TASTE IN MEN? CRAPPY. WHY DO YOU ASK?
“UnFuckingBelievable,” said a reportedly shocked Stan Ridgeway.
STING AND WIFE TRUDI DISCOVER THE JOY OF LAPDANCING IN A CONTINUING EFFORT TO EMBARRASS US FOR EVER LIKING THE POLICE
Rocker STING and his wife TRUDI STYLER have become firm fans of the erotic art of lapdancing after enjoying a night fulll of frottage at London's raunchy Stringfellows club.
MY COCK AWAITS THE PLEASURE OF YOUR COMPANY
The former Police frontman, 52, and his 48-year-old wife were guests of honor at the Bad Sex Awards in London's posh Mayfair district on Tuesday night and later went on to the afterparty at the sexy nightspot.
And after emerging, the couple -- who have often extolled the virtues of 16-hour tantric sex -- revealed that the evening's entertainment had taught them some new tricks.
Styler enthuses in a remark fucking guaranteed to shiver your timbers, "We both had a wonderful time. I found the girls there extremely empowering and I might have to try it myself at home."
Oh. God. Please say this is not happening.
KRAVITZ "ISN'T IN LOVE WITH KIDMAN"? NO FUCKING KIDDING
NICOLE “I Used To Be Married To a Guy Who Isn’t Gay” KIDMAN’s hopes of marrying new beau LENNY KRAVITZ may have been dashed -- the rocker reportedly has confessed to pals he's “not in love with that silly bitch. C'mon get real.”
IN HIS COLOSSAL EFFORTS TO FUCK EVERY SINGLE WOMAN ALIVE, LENNY KRAVITZ BAGS YET ANOTHER OVER THE FEEBLE PROTESTATIONS OF HER MAN
The couple, nauseatingly inseparable since they began dating earlier this year -- with Kidman even recently spending the weekend with Kravitz's ex-wife LISA BONET, the mother of his 15-year-old daughter Zoe, while Kravitz was out bagging all the strange pussy he could get his derivative rock guitar playing mitts on.
SUCCESS!!!
According to insiders and surprising absolutely only ONE person on this planet, Kravitz has told friends he is only courting the Oscar winner in a bid to raise his profile and help him sell more crappy fucking records.
ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO…..
SINGER FROM COLDPLAY BAGS THAT SKINNY PALTROW BROAD? SO DID HALF THE GUYS IN RADIOHEAD, BIGGGGG DEAL
Oscar winner and slut around town GWYNETH PALTROW and her very, very sensitive long time beau CHRIS MARTIN of COLDPLAY are expecting their first child next summer, her publicist said Wednesday.
HEY CHRIS, WELCOME TO FOREVER
The couple was "pleased" to confirm the pregnancy, publicist Stephen Huvane said in a statement. He declined to say whether there were wedding plans. But then reiterated, “they’re pleased and stuff, and pretty much glad. And pleased, because this is a joyous occasion, and it’s pleasing… And stuff. Right?”
The 31-year-old future failed actress has been dating Martin, a sniveling little half man for a while now. Martin, commenting on his insistence that they keep the relationship on the down low in a bid to “bag as many bitches as can get to buy into this sensitive scam”…heyyy, well done Chris, I knew that sensitive man thing was a fucking ruse.
GREAT. GREAT. FOREVER IS JUST GREAT. ISN'T IT?
In a recent interview Paltrow said she hopes to marry but wouldn't say if that wish included impending doom and nuptials to the 26-year-old sniveler, Martin. To which the sensitive Martin said, “huh, what?”
