CORNHOLIO SPEAKS…
"SO THIS BITCH SAYS TO ME SHE SAYS...."
STOCKHOLM (SkullGame) – So I was over at CJ’s house the other day and he said “yo, T is going to marry that 23-year-old Swedish biznatch.” He shakes out his fucking newspaper and it’s only then that I peep that he’s talking about top golfer and Head Nizzle in Charge TIGER WOODS.
LOOK AT HER. NO, NO, NO. NOT THE FAT CHINESE CHICK. THE BLONDE. SHE IS JUST THE IMAGE OF ARYAN PURITY...
Yeah, you heard that right.
Me and the Wizzle go waaaayyyy back. Back before he hooked up with ELIN. Fact, it was me who introduced them. She used to be one of mine. I was running her up out of that Holiday Inn over offa Sunset. Doing a brisk bit of bidness there too. Anyways KOBE calls me up for some subtraction semen extraction and long story short I run him Elin. Turns out TIGER and KOBE having some train time together and the rest, like they say, is fucking history.
...AND A TOTAL WHORE TO BOOT
And if anybody named T Wiz is reading this shit, hook me up with an invite to the nuptials my man.
YANCY BUTLER ORDERED TO REHAB ON ACCOUNT OF BEING UNACCOUNTABLY FUCKED UP ON A WIIIDDDDEEEEE VARIETY OF NARCOTICS
"WE...WE...CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHERE TO BEGIN," SAYS OVERWHELMED DEA AGENT LARRY KIMBROUGH
PALM BEACH (SkullGame) -- Former "Witchblade" TV star YANCY BUTLER riding a rocket down the greased rail of fame into San Fernando Valley suck scenes and topless shoots in PLAYBOY has been ordered, by a court of last resort, to enter a substance-abuse treatment program after being arrested for disorderly, ass-dragging public intoxication.
OOO, SHIT. THESE FUCKING MATCHBOXES ARE FUCKING, SHIT... DEEP
The TV actress was taken to a Florida jail on Saturday after cars, fucking CARS, were forced to swerve to avoid hitting her as she wandered in and out of traffic waving her hands and pointing to her crotch, according to a police report.
Butler told the totally unsurprised police that she was an alcoholic and was on medication. Then she said she'd been kicked out of a halfway house, but later said she was still in one, according to the report, which followed her rambling discourse through an exegesis of Ecstasy use, ketamine abuse, cocaine addiction, cough syrup, body shots after body shots, and furtively delivered blow jobs to random strangers.
IT MOVES A LOT LESS IF YOU FUCKING SIT ON IT I NOTICE
Officers took the 33-year-old actress to the Drug Abuse Foundation of Palm Beach County where apparently drug abuses of all sorts are developed, and even encouraged. Butler, however, was declined readmission when she became predictably hostile and struggled with police for upward of five, knuckle-dusting minutes.
Butler was then handcuffed, felt up, jailed and charged with disorderly intoxication and resisting an officer.
WELCOME TO MACK AVENUE, BABY!!!
HOW TO HAVE A FUCKING ORGY GUIDE
At MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME we are some fucking pushing-the-envelope motherfuckers and if we can't give you useful info on how to plan a fuckfest well, goddamn it, no one can.
Forthwith, our Prick Protocol for the Orgy Minded.
DO'S:
1) Invite more women than dudes. Ignore this rule and you run the distinct risk of all turning fag.
2) Fill the invites up with that airy fairy talk about "sharing" and "caring". Shit that you'd never say in a million years under ordinary "trying to get pussy" conditions.
3) Try to avoid inviting existing couples because nothing ruins a good orgy like tears, threats of divorce and bitter recriminations.
WHAT YOU THINK YOU WILL GET
4) Bring and burn incense. A roomful of ass smells exactly like that after about 30 minutes.
5) Everyone will be nervous at first so to help break the ice a little, show up fucking high! Everyone will be glad you did.
DON'TS:
1) Don't be a hole hog. It's like a dance. Someone asks you to cut in, let them. There are holes enough to go around.
2) Don't forget that someone will have to take the down position in a Double Penetration scenario (unless you can pull this off standing up with the chick in the middle). If you're the dude on the bottom try not to feel like you're being fucked by the other dude. This will most definitely fuck your flow all to hell.
3) Don't think you're going to be fucking all A-List all the time. There are going to be some ugly broads there and someone's going to have to take one for the team. Ugly broads are useful in that they make the other broads feel better and so you need them. Take one for the team and act like you fucking enjoy it.
WHAT YOU WILL REALLY GET. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.
4) Don't forget to wash BEFORE you get there you dirty motherfucker you.
5) Don't be talking shit after you get your nut. There are others in the room who may not give a fuck that Callahan is on his way out as the Raider's coach.
The 10 FUCKING COMMANDMENTS of FUCKFESTING. Ignore at your own peril.
LARRY FLYNT CALLING FOR SHANIA FUCKING TWAIN
Country star SHANIA TWAIN, a victim of a vengeful incontinence, routinely urinates before singing in front of audiences. [We know you think we make this shit up, but this is the god's fucking honest truth.--VINNIE ROSE]
Twain recently recalled, while in the grips of that Hollywood disease that has the famous believing we really need to know this shit that, "I do some song and I pee my pants. Sometimes I'll be wearing a skirt -- and that's a good thing because it doesn't show.
I'LL HAVE THIS OUT IN A JIFFY. "IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A FIRE HYDRANT, IT'S THE MIGHTY POWER OF PISS!!!"
"But I have to go up there and sing like that. So if there's a little puddle on the floor, I'll just knock over my water glass so that anyone around me will think it's water."
Until NOW, that is, you dirty bitch, you.
