ALL ROADS LEAD TO CREEPY OLD GUYS VAGUELY REMINISCENT OF CREEPY OL’ HEFNER
THOMAS, WITH SUNRISE, KIRA, TAWNY, BRIANA, & MERCEDEZ, WONDERING WHERE THE HELL HE IS IN THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE AND WHY HE'S THERE
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) – We stole this from LUKE FORD. Noteworthy not because we stole it but because PAUL THOMAS is most disturbingly channeling the ghost of penis past HUGH HEFNER by looking horribly out of place sandwiched between the sluts du jour on his new VIVID shoot for some fucking movie we probably won’t be seeing since VIVID refuses to service us since we fucked SUNRISE ADAMS in the broom closet at LA EXPO.
LEWINSKY NOTES THAT PAST HISTORY AS PRESIDENTIAL JIZ RAG HAS HURT LOVE LIFE
FANTASY
NEW YORK (SkullGame) - MONICA LEWINSKY, whose name has become synonymous with suckstress, says her White House liaison, replete with cigar dildoage, cumshots, and full flown First Skank facials, is a liability on the dating scene, where men apparently are showing a marked preference for the shopworn illusion that their wives-to-be weren’t high-profiled presidential paste queens.
The intern, now as infamous for her suckage of former U.S. President Bill Clinton as she is for her unrestricted consumption of calorie-rich food, said in the December issue of GQ magazine that she dates occasionally but her romantic relationships have been as short-lived as the blowjobs that mark their start date.
REALITY
Lewinsky, 30, said she sympathized with the men she meets, saying she, too, would be intimidated by the very public tales of her past knob slobbery.
"If I were a guy and I'd heard all those things about a girl. All of that idle chatter of her being a fucking unregenerate slut who was fucked with Cohiba cigars, or hunkering down by the presidential sink delivering a veritable suck symphony. Or parading her parade-sized ass around the oval office for the amusement of heads of state, well I don't know that I'd want to take her out either," Lewinsky told the men's magazine.
As of press time SKULLGAME’S CORNHOLIO could not be reached for antenna-related comment.
AN ITALIAN SALVO: FROM THE THEATER OF THE ABSURDLY OBVIOUS…
NOW YOU AIN’T THE LEAST BIT SURPRISED ARE YOU?!?!
LOS OLIVOS (SkullGame) -- Toddler ding dong diddler and middle-aged white woman MICHAEL JACKSON has surprised the shit out of absolutely no one in this week of comparatively trivial news stories. Who would have thought with sleeper stories in the news like the Coronation of the Golden State’s newest Gauleiter and George W's historic visit to Merry Ol’ England that Jacko would draw the felony spotlight from Kobe "Where da white women at!" Bryant.
WELL THAT'S A WONDERFUL FROCK YOU'RE WEARING MRS. CLEAVER
Evidently the very creepy and shrewd Jackson, in a brilliant ploy to pump up sales of his newest album Number Ones has resorted to using the very tricky "child molester card." Pulling out all the stops in promoting his newest album after the dismal death-knelling sales of Invincible, Jackson has decided to diddle his way to a platinum record with the use of the NAMBLA wild card.
MINISTERING SUCCOR, AND LOTS OF IT, UNTO A YOUNG JEWISH LAD
When asked for comment noted attorney and protector of the downtrodden Iron Michael Tysonwitz said "I do not know that white woman!"
PRO TEM ATTORNEY-AT-LAW IRON MICHAEL TYSONWITZ ABANDONS JACKO CLAIMING PROTECTION UNDER THE LAW OF CUTTING HIS FUCKING LOSSES NOW
His number one client and professional sodomite KOBE BRYANT also chimed in with: "Thank you Mr. Creepy man; for a second there I thought I had fucked your ass too. Thank god I had not.”
MICHAEL JACKSON'S ASS IS SAFE WITH ME!!!!
SKULLGAME INVESTIGATIVE: SKEETER KERKOVE
Wherein THE ARGENTINE plumbs the philosophical depths of KERKOVE’S ontological significance vis a vis his borderline psychopathology and the totally suspected fucking gayness of his supposed hetero oeuvre, while VINNIE ROSE plays GLAUCON.
Re: KERKOVE
"HI. MY NAME IS SKEETER...."
THE ARGENTINE: In any relationship there are two parties: The party getting fucked and the party doing the fucking. This is undeniable, as fundamental a concept as you can ask for. The victim, or actress in this case, gives permission one way or another. The perpetrator, or KERKOVE, takes it one way or another. My position is this: regardless of the actual players, I stand in judgment of all.
VINNIE ROSE: Well humanity is generally an idea to be mistrusted.
THE ARGENTINE: Well let me ask what you might be thinking: Is it my place to do so?
I have a better question: Who’s going to stop me? KERKOVE? I’ll split his melon like a, well, like a fucking melon. So I don’t think so.
But to the victim goes my pity and nooooo, not the romantic pity of the boy out to save little girls from the wolves. Fuck, I am one of the wolves. No, it’s a cold pity that turns its eyes to the human condition, which I hold personally responsible.
VINNIE ROSE: In a non-causal universe this makes about as much sense as holding the sun responsible. Or my shoes.
"...AND I'M GAY!!!"
THE ARGENTINE: Look, to the perpetrator goes my wrath. Not the wrath of the savior, the punisher, the rival. It is the wrath of righteousness as defined in my world, a place where I am God.
In short, I do not like these people. I do not like them because I know them. I know them for what they are and what they cannot be.
They can point their fingers at their signed releases. Jews signed releases, too. Marriages are delineated on paper. I was once released on my own recognizance. Who and where is the disinterested third party administering these releases? So much wasted pulp. Rough toilet paper in a time of need.
I realize you’re not asking for a justification of my review nor am I offering one. But let me testify. My intuition is a finely honed instrument and most of the time it’s right. ‘Most of the time’ as in ‘damn near all the time’. As a result I don’t waver in my judgment 100% of the time because the odds favor me. I don’t waver and neither would you.
‘Me, I’m on the side of the angels/ But the Devil is my best friend’
"SEE??!?! TOL' YOU I WAS GAY!!!"
VINNIE ROSE: I mean, lest it be forgotten, Devils are angels as well.
THE ARGENTINE: I may be a wolf but I’m an honorable wolf.
I may be a wolf but I know the difference between deviation and depravity, domination and dehumanization, love and hate.
I may be a wolf but I’m a better wolf than most. And by ‘most’ I mean ‘damn near all’.
The world has proven to me time and time again that if you were to pull the gun out of its mouth it would cry bloody murder. But that doesn’t mean I want to have my finger on the trigger. Here ends the pontification.
