Britney Spears Goes Topless For British 'Elle'
DATELINE: ABSOLUTE AND TOTAL BULLSHIT
Britney Spears, the pop diva sensation, has shocked and awed the music world yesterday when it was revealed that she was totally full of goddamned shit.
SEE HOW SAD I AM THAT MY HIDDEN BREASTS MOCK YOU SO?
"I was hoping that with headlines blaring that I had gone 'TOPLESS,' that fucking suckers everywhere would be stumbling all over themselves in the hope of catching a glimpse of at least ONE of my totally NON-surgically enhanced tits and I have to say I wasn't wrong."
Milking the so-called tit for much more than commercial endorsements, CD sales, and every last bit of filthy lucre possible, Spears was last reported seen laughing, with her arms covering her naked breasts so that you can't see nary a nippple, all the way to the goddamned bank.
MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME GETS INVITE TO FUCKING FUCK PLAYBOY UP
Goddamned right. MONDAY, AUGUST 11TH at 5 PM. JULI ASHTON and Tiffany WILL BE INTERVIEWING VINNIE, ITALIAN SAL, AND GINO.
WE...WILL...BE...ALL OVER THAT, WE GARONFUCKINGTEE IT!!!
Now for those of you withOUT satellite radio lemme just you a brief sample of the kind of scintillating shit you'll be missing by missing this interview.
Juli Ashton: Well thanks for coming. Glad you guys could make it.
ITALIAN SAL: Your eyes look just wonderful in this light. Really. Has anyone ever told you that?
Juli Ashton: Why, yes. All the time in fact, haha.
VINNIE: Were they as handsome as us?
Juli Ashton: Is that even possible?
VINNIE: My point exactly.
ITALIAN SAL: Fuck this. Enough with the small talk baby, put OUT.
Juli Ashton: Haha, you guys are hilarious.
GINO: In any modern society on any given day do you imagine, could you imagine that a cock like this [produces cock] would even come close to being considered hilarious?
Juli Ashton: Ok. Look.
ITALIAN SAL: No you look baby, I...I...NEED you.
VINNIE: WE need you.
GINO: I just want to fuck you.
VINNIE: WE want to fuck you.
ITALIAN SAL: Has anyone ever told you you're even cuter when you're angry?
GINO: But seriously, when a man and a woman and two other men feel the kind of love that's like the love that's passing between us, well then I know it's love, baby, and not infatuation. Not some passing fancy. Not some situation where we all fuck you, put on our clothes and run out of your apartment laughing and high-fiving each other like we've done so many times before. It's the real life love thing that, that, you know spans the ages like the agony of defeat or the thrill of victory. I mean what I'm saying is, well, ok, you forced me to say it: I LOVE YOU.
VINNIE: And I love you, too.
ITALIAN SAL: And while I'm sure that both of my cugini love you with a love that knows no bounds it is MY incredible and boundless love that is achingly expressing itself here in my hand that I need to bring to your attention. Kiss it. Stroke it. Love it, baby, because it loves you. Like I love you.
[voice trails off, tape ends]
BOYFRIEND TAPED SEX AFTER SHE PASSED OUT
That's what the fucking headline read and this freak of a doppelganger in the rumpled shape of Jeanne Phillips also known as Dear Abby, even though the rest of us read that Abigail 'Abby' Van Buren died like a year ago, goes on dispensing dangerous and downright irresponsible advice to misguided women all over America.
This broad in question goes to a party with her boyfriend of FIVE fucking years, he carries her drunken, dangling form back home and while undressing her gets the notion to fuck her and film it.
ON HER WAY TO ROOFIE SCREEN STARDOM!
She finds the tape later and her outrage is expectedly fanned by the wrinkled Phillips who advises her to seek professional help for the drinking and dump the dude who "appears to regard you as a sex 'object' rather than a person. Make absolutely sure certain that the tape has been destroyed."
We at MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME are shocked and appalled that this man who put up with FIVE years of "am I fat? do I look fat to you?," FIVE years of not fucking other broads, FIVE years of her sloppy and drunken antics will now be summarily dismissed on the advice of a wizened old bag who wouldn't recognize a beautiful and touching amateur tape tribute to tramps who drink and get done as the mark of true love that it is.
Translation: If he was an asshole he would have posted it in on the Internet.
Which brings us to our last request:
PLEASE SEND US ALL OF YOUR DRUNKEN PASSED OUT FUCKING YOUR GIRLFRIEND VIDEOS AND WE'LL STREAM THEM FROM MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME.
FOREVER.
