So the plane we rode back into the US of goddamned A gets hit by lightning. And FUCK what they say about shit NOT getting hit twice by lightning because we got hit twice. And it sounded like a bomb both times.
A shit-in-the-pants-producing bomb.
You See THESE Sky Sluts? Well These Are Totally NOT Like the She Wolves That Were On Our Plane
Jesus H. Convertible.
You know we fashion of ourselves men’s men. Men among goddamned men. But it’s safe to say that we were elbowing our ways to the fucking life rafts well before the Dutch pilots intercommed into our terror-filled ear holes that “lightening is perfectly safe.”
Sure it is.
So are knives in the eye. I mean they won’t KILL you or nothing.
Anyways the point is this: we’re BACK.
“VINNIE?!? WHICH COUNTRY HAS THE BIGGEST FUCKING SLUTS?!?”
And apropos of all this time in Europe we’ll just answer the question that’s on everyone’s lips since no matter where I go people are asking: “VINNIE?!? WHICH COUNTRY HAS THE BIGGEST FUCKING SLUTS?!?”
I mean they want to know:
1) is it the French fuck? Full of wine, cheese and a bunch of meat (mostly MINE)?
2) Is it the Italian Mamma Mia? With her stylish lines and total willingness to kill you because she loves you?
3) Or is it the British Birds? Who are short on international rep but long on the possibility of hooking up on a ride out of that godforsaken place?
4) Or finally is it those goddamned naughty Nazi broads from Kraut land?
Well my friends I am glad to report that the BIGGEST SLUTS IN EUROPE for the EIGHTH year running are (drum roll please):
AMERICAN SLUTS!
That’s right. American broads fall for a WIDE variety of fake accents from the Swiss stutter to the German gargle and put out every time. Right up, in fact, until you reveal that your name is not, improbably as it might seem, CYRIL from CAMDEN YARDS, but Carmine from Canarsie.
USA! USA! USA! American Sluts fall for our fake accent bullshit at a rate twice that of women that actually speak the languages we're making believe we speak.
Like our cars, we make our SLUTS better, faster, and even cheaper than the Euro models.
And for this we should be well proud.
AND APROPOS OF THIS WEEK’S SITE REVIEW
From: Henry Bono
To: Italian Sal
Subject: REVOLUTION!
WE THE JOHNS OF CRAIG'S LIST............
ARE FORMING A COALITION TO LOWER THE PRICES OF THESE ESCORTS. WE WANT OUR PUSSY FOR ROCK BOTTOM PRICES AS WE ARE CHEAP BASTARDS AND SIMPLY CANNOT GET A REAL WOMAN TO DATE US LET ALONE SLEEP WITH US! WE MUST LOW BALL AND BITCH CONSTANTLY TO MAKE SURE OUR MIGHTY VOICES ARE HEARD AND RESPECTED.
WE WILL NO LONGER BE OPPRESSED BY THESE WHORES WHO ARE ALL DRUG ADDICTS AND MAKE 20 GRAND A MONTH.
BROTHERS WE MUST STICK TOGETHER AS WE ALL KNOW WE WILL NOT BE LAID OTHERWISE!!
BE BRAVE AND PERSISTENT IN YOUR LOW BALLING AND COMPLAINING AND SOON WE WILL HAVE THESE ESCORTS BEGGING FOR $20 FOR 1 HOUR OF F/S MASSAGE.
FIGHT ON AND BE BRAVE MY "JOHN" BROTHERS! WE WILL WIN THIS BATTLE!
