or sooner than was really even necessary with our Borda smack. So forthwith our Nuremberg Judgment Level of Investigation into Al’s Recent Crimes Against Humanity.

Al Borda’s Movies Suck: OK. There’s a certain base level of interest in people fucking that will transcend even the most tepid teacher-schoolgirl-with-a-short-dress caper. That being said when said picture becomes a commercial whose sole purpose seems to be the elevation of the man who paid for the commercial, then you have an ANGELYNE billboard. What we mean to say is: his movies probably wouldn’t suck IF they hadn’t been HIS movies.

Al Borda’s Writing Sucks: We can’t all be William Shakespeare. We can’t all even be Rip Taylor. Well Borda couldn’t even be Mr. T. He writes the way the Amish fuck: like they were just learning how.

Al Borda Sucks: In every interview we do we conduct an AL BORDA PERSONALITY PROFILE POLL wherein we ask the interviewee the following question:

AL BORDA: ASSHOLE OR NOT?

Now we used to ask the question

ADOLPH HITLER: ASSHOLE OR NOT?

And we found that even the killer of 12 million people got more positive responses than AL BORDA did percentage wise.

So there it is.

AL BORDA: ASS Extraordinaire.

Now: will he step up to the mic and fight us or will he continue fleeing like the young girl that he is?

We await an answer.

AVN Spreads Its Legs. And the Love.

A "Missive of Mayhem" Including Erotica: Mack Avenue Skullgame
- Humphrey Pennyworth

CYBERSPACE - A new Internet journal promising "a mission of mayhem that will redefine…what we think about our dueling obsessions - sex, death, drugs, cockery, comedy, porn, pornography, and the transformative powers of violence" is launching. You have been warned.
Called Mack Avenue Skullgame, it’s the creation of a group of writers advertising credits ranging from Hustler (Allan McDonnell), GQ, Code, Vice (Eugene Robinson), Spin (Dean Kuipers), and Rolling Stone (Evan Smith).
"(We) see the best and the brightest turning their attentions to the mythos underlying the industry that spins fantasy out of fucking," the creators say. "Plus," added managing editor Vinnie Rose, "I figured it would help us get laid a little bit."
Will it prove to be "very little?" Only you can answer that for yourselves by visiting Mack Avenue Skullgame on the Web.

FILE UNDER: A HOPELESS, WORTHLESS WASTE OF EVERYONE’S GODDAMNED TIME aka THE-LOST-CAUSE CAUSE

Virgins Promote Abstinence In Las Vegas
By: Trent Brown

LAS VEGAS - A group of virgins from around the country gathered last weekend to promote their message of abstinence in the most unlikely of places – Las Vegas.

Approximately 700 people attended a three-day convention in Sin City for the Abstinence Clearinghouse, a national abstinence organization. As part of the convention, nearly 200 teens, parents and youth counselors descended on the Strip to pass out cards promoting abstinence, competing with immigrant labor distributing magazines and brochures touting adult entertainment.

Convention exhibitors displayed various abstinence items, including "Keep It" underwear depicting a large red stop sign with the message "No Trespassing."

Organizers of the conference picked Las Vegas as the location because the obvious contradiction their message had to the setting.