Talked to GREG ALVES at ZERO TOLERANCE today. Nice enough guy. Prince of a guy.
“So what the fuck is the deal with that Mark Davis guy?”
“Well he used to be talent and now he’s directing and….”
“Is he a tall man?”
“Well I, what do….”
“Well I ask because nutrition is not all that it’s cracked up to be in England these days and well if fish and chips were a staple of your diet I think that…”
“Great. Well let’s hang out at the LA Expo show look I really got to go see you soon.”
I’m glad he’s as interested in British cuisine as I am and I’ll make sure to talk to him about it a lot more when next we meet.
And speaking of ZERO TOLERANCE as of TODAY absolutely ZERO fucking calls/emails have come in from CELESTE. Is there a reason why she’s ducking us? I mean outside of our unusually large and protuberant cocks?
Well we’re going to call her at home and when we do we’ll not only let you read the transcript of what’s bound to be a scintillating Exhibit A but we’ll upload the sound files so you can HEAR what it’s like to have someone as smooth as we are AT THE FUCKING CONTROLS, baby.
But first
AN INTERVIEW WITH A FUCKING IRISH FUCKING GENIUS NAMED DECLAN
Declan: I have now quit bouncing. Fucking A.
Vinnie: Congrats. Wonder how long before you regret that? It took me exactly 5 years to discover that I'd have been better off spending less time fighting and more time fucking.
Declan: Well I am ok for the moment, seeing a 6 foot red headed nymphomaniac....wait a minute...I met her bouncing...fuck you are right. Fuck.
Vinnie: Of course I’m right. How about a threesome with the fucking red-headed stepchild?
Declan: No.
Vinnie: Okay. So long then.
Declan: Ha that’s a gas. The saying "so long" used in the States is an Anglicization of the term slán (pronounced Slawn and meaning health to you) from Irish migrants in the 1800s.
Etymology can also be used to confuse females into copulatory consent and enthusiastic participation in said act. Right where and when they are considering whether or not you get into their pants and its looking on the negatory side of things, throw in a "did you know the word kaibosh is not in fact a Jewish/Yiddish term but a term derived from a phrase imported by Irish immigrants in the mid 1800s and it refers to a Cromwellian practice of pouring hot tar on the rebellious Irish natives heads to kill them, a "caipin bás" (pronounced kaypeen bosh) literally translated, a cap of death...".
There will be a 3-5 second awkward silence and she will have a strange glazed look in her eye right before she commences to ride you senseless. This is a powerful weapon. Every time it works I want a 1$ royalty.
See, it works on the principle of "that bastard just wants sex....wait a minute why is he saying this...maybe he is not like the others...I suddenly find him very sexually attractive and at the same time highly intelligent, understanding and of good heart. I will ride him now."
It also works on the competing mental sublevel (hence the confusion leading to the gazelle jumping into the lions salivating open maw), "that bastard just wants sex...wait a minute why is he saying this....maybe he doesn't like me and I am not attractive enough...maybe my ass is big in these jeans....I will ride him now.
Remember: $1.
Vinnie: You got it. The next time my game is hurting so bad that I gotta resort to talking about bugs then you’ll get your freakin’ dollar.
Declan: Insects?
Vinnie: Yeah, baby. I went to Brooklyn College okay. Etymology. The science of bugs and shit!
Declan: Listen. I need to go now.
