THIS OLD MAN CAME ROLLING HOME...

A CARD CARRYING MEMBER OF THE AARP: THE AMERICAN ASSHOLE REAMERS PARTY. AND, OH, WHAT A PARTY IT IS.

If there's one thing we aspire to in life, apart from a good stir-fry, it's to one day be an old cunt who fucks young cunt.

The first part -- being an old cunt -- seems a lock. Barring more car accidents, less luck in fights and/or suicide-on-a-whim, we plan to stick around. And the 2nd part -- nailing the snatch of youth -- well, we figure that's easy too with a pocketful of Viagra and cash.

And yeah, the cash part's sorta for chumps...but we figure if our game's good enough now to be boning cunt half our age, then some exponential improvement between 2006 and becoming a drooling 72-year-old with walking frame, false teeth, and a titanium rod in our cock, could see us talking fly and nailing 18-year-olds for free until the day we simultaneously drop a load in one and drop dead inside one.

Which is the basic premise of Grandad Sex, which promises and delivers "dirty old men fucking cute young teens," yet chooses to keep quiet on the whole Viagra, cash payments, and spectre of creeping death part.

Perfect. -- MR. XTRA