Yo Vinnie,
You know what I like? I like to take Ecstasy and fuck my old lady. SHE says that it ruins the experience for her. Not HER taking it. But ME taking it when I do it. She asks me if she ain't good enough for me and if I NEED the E. I've taken it three times in 2005, each time? A big argument. I like her. Should I cease and desist to keep the peace? I mean I can take it or leave it. But I'm not going to stop taking drugs. -- High On Life, (by email)

"GREAT. THIS IS JUST GREAT. WOO...., UM, HOO."

Dear STONY MC STONE: Dump that bitch. Seriously. This is not about your penchant for fucking club drugs. This is about her desire to exert the iron curtain-esque lock of control over your fucking headspace expecially since if you're anything like me, most people can't even tell when you're high [if you're over 30 this is usually the fucking case, ANYWAY]. Making her pique, SYMBOLIC. My whole system, like anybody can tell you, is laissez faire. Which is French for "do whatever the fuck you want as long as it doesn't keep me from making quick time across town. Bitch." THREE goddamned times a year and she's pissed off?!?! I'll tell you what she's pissed off about: her lack of a penis. Which, if you think about it, is really not your fault [though it is to your benefit].

You been with her at least a year it seems like, she's been a buzzkill the whole time and even after a year you only say that you LIKE her?!?! What the fuck are you waiting for? To WIN this argument? Yeah, well, that's like winning a shit-sandwich eating argument: in the end you're only talking about eating a shit sandwich.

Now: run wild and free.