YO VINNIE,
I got a friend who comes over to my place JUST to jerk off. He'll ask if I'm going to be there, stop by, chat for a few minutes, "absent-mindedly" picks up one of my old jack mags and after a few minutes asks "you mind?" Usually nodding toward the bathroom. I say "whatever." And he goes in there, jerks off, comes out and then leaves. I'm not saying that I mind, but I'm just wondering what's the fucking deal? -- E.H., Boston (by email)

POINT OF CONCERN: HE GIVES YOU THIS CAKE ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Dear SpoogeTel: What's the fucking deal? Lemme get this straight: a buddy calls you, comes over to your place and drops a load in your bathroom and then leaves? And he ain't married (I'm guessing) and neither are you (I'm guessing)?

Well I'll tell you what the deal is: you're fags. Thanks for asking.

No. Seriously. Without the mitigating influence of someone in the joint jockeying a 'gina, it's really just two dudes having sex. Actually one dude having sex and one dude aiding and abetting said sex. I mean how long before your help takes the form of a HAND? And then: an ass?

You see?

There are hundreds of places to jerk off that don't include you, your place, or your jack mags. HUNDREDS...But he's chosen to introduce you and yours to his load. Sounds like a fucking love story to us.

Our advice? Ask him if he'd like to BORROW your mags. Or...even TAKE ONE....as a GIFT, you know? If he says YES, well, you've probably averted the awful specter of an uncomfortable conversation had uncomfortably. If he says NO, well you got yourself a gay problem which you should probably save and salve by offering him a SkullGame Gift Pak of HOMO NO MO', our patented solution designed to combat mincing, flouncing, and all other manner of the slippery slide leading to The Gay.

Good luck.