YO VINNIE,
When having sex with a woman who is either having her period, or recently had her period, and you, on your way to putting your cock in her mouth notice it is red, do you or are you obligated to wash it off in something other than her mouth? I mean what is the proper protocol here? -- W.M. (by email)

Dear Red Red Wine: Simple answer to a simple question and it totally adheres here to the Golden Mean which, leastways as we can make out, has everything to do with knifing your fellow humans as you yourself want to be knifed: don't stick nothing in her mouth that you don't want in your mouth. That being said, if you're second in line to suck tongue with a tongue that's licked the red stick...or for that matter the crap-encrusted crank from a recent ass fucking...well, tis bound to be less blood and fecal matter, respectively, on aforementioned mouth after a good long sausage sucking. I mean it stands to fucking sausage sucking reason. So kiss away, comforted by the fact that in total you're probably getting 46 percent less of her shit, and are 33 percent less likely of chugging her blood on second pass then you would be on first. And if it's a double teaming and you can convince her to, say, kiss the other dude first, well, total gayness factor aside, you're muuuuccchhhh better off insofar as the crap and blood mass in your mouth is concerned.

Thanks for asking. You disgusting, motherfucker, you.