YO VINNIE,
I like the smell of dirty girl ass. I work late so I can sniff chairs. Going to the movies or sitting ass high on a plane or something? Well I'm in heaven. Have you heard of this before, is there a name for it, and are there any groups online or anything? Let me know. -- Behind The Onion (by email)

"UM. I JUST, UM, DROPPED MY, UM, PENCIL? NO. I MEAN MY, UH, YEAH, THING..."

Dear What Makes Johnny Run: Like this is fucking Dan Savaqe or some fucking shit? Like you can come in here with some vaguely off-beat fucking non-sexual paraphilia and expect us to be all sex positive because we want to confirm your world view that supports the fucking idea that huffing shit whiff is perfectly normal? Well, it's goddamned NOT. In fact, the most NORMAL thing about your whole act is your urge to have us affirm that your brown nosing ways are just about A-Fucking-OK.

And the reason we're calling BULLSHIT on this?

Because your fucking email is a red herring. If you got a computer you can find it as easily as we fucking can. You know where you live even better than we do. So why the fuck are you asking? Because you wanted to burn the image in our mind's eyes of you snorting bitch ass so thoroughly that we can't see anything much less a bitch's ass withOUT seeing your desperate snout probing hither and yon like some kind of harbinger of shit stain doom.

Fuck you.