Burning up fucking frequent flyer miles galore MACK AVENUE SKULLGAME hits HOUSTON, following the annual migration of Ho's to Superbowl glory and big balls (but mostly big balls), in order to bring you the best game day reporting bar none
HOUSTON THE CITY, NOT THE HORRIFYING PORN STAR OF THE SAME NAME
HOUSTON (SkullGame) -- Carolina Panthers' Safety EUGENE ROBINSON who in a past Superbowl appearance with Green Bay had been busted pregame for soliciting an undercover vice officer, promises that this year's Superbowl will be a "whole hell of a lot different."
I PLAY SAX. I HAVE BALL. I PAY SEX. TOUCHDOWN!!!
"The last time I hadn't fully realized the enormity of what I was facing," said the tearful Born-Again Christian. "This year I'm making sure not to make the same mistake 20 times. I mean, twice. If I need a Ho, and I'm not saying I do, but if I do, I won't be hitting the street while my long-suffering wife languishes at home, unloved and unfucked. No. No I won't be trawling the streets looking for a wide and random variety of nasty-assed, cocksucking, streetwalking ho. I won't be accidentally picking up a pro with a badge, and perhaps even a cock.
No.
"PERHAPS I WILL HAVE SEXUAL CONGRESS WITH HER"
"This year I get my Ho's direct from the trusty EROS GUIDE!" said the newly sponsored professional athlete. "Eros Guide lets me be me. And anyman, be he a Jew, be he a Christian, be he Bahai, can fuck and forget the hooker of his choice without fear of jurisprudential interference or reprisal."
"OR HER. YOU SEE I HAVE SO MANY BEE-YATCHES TO CHOOSE FROM"
And walking off the practice field, finger raised high, Robinson when asked where he was going if the Panthers should pull off a win at Sunday's Superbowl stated, "I'm going to the EROS GUIDE, goddamn it!"
DR. JULIUS IRVING IN QUESTIONABLE MEDICAL INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO
PARIS HILTON and DR. JULIUS IRVING have something in common, along with ROB LOWE, PAMELA ANDERSON LEE, BRET MICHAELS, TONYA HARDING, R. KELLY, and CHUCK BERRY.
Yes they, along with 76 percent of the American public, have had sex in front of a video camera.
The Dr. J video, however, became public last week as the hoops Hall-of-Famer, 53, headed into court again in his rancorous divorce from TURQUOISE, his wacked out bitch wife of 31 years.
The tape was apparently shot several years ago. It shows Irving — who went to the NBA finals four times and led the Philadelphia 76ers to a title — going to the boards in a hotel room wearing a sleeveless undershirt, boxers, metal-framed glasses and a cock.
His co-star is a voluptuous, dark-haired young woman with cinnamon skin (pictured below). A radio in the background is playing "Sea of Love" by the Honeydrippers as Irving adjusts the camera. The couple sips white wine and chats inaudibly before the kissing begins and they get their fuck on.
DR. IRVING'S CASE STUDY WITH ONE OF HIS RECENTLY PATENTED TONGUE DEPRESSORS
Irving, whose net worth is $9 mil, has had two childen out-of-wedlock since marrying Turquoise, tennis player Alexandra Stevenson, 22, and a 6-year-old identified in divorce papers last year, where the court ordered him to pay Turquoise $1,500 a week, plus household expenses and $8,000 a month for credit card bills.
Irving's lawyer, Andrea Cain , denied any knowledge of such a tape, but said if such a tape existed, it wouldn't be introduced as evidence: "I can't see any relevance to a fuckee suckee videotape of this sort. Florida is a no-fault fuckee suckee state."
ANOTHER ITALIAN SALVO....
TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLSGAME
CLEVELAND (SkullGame) -- Indians minor leaguer KAZUHITO TADANO is asking for forgiveness for what he called a one-time mistake -- his appearance in a gay porn video in which he engaged in a homosexual act of a full-blown fucking and sucking nature.
Tadano in what amounts to a headlong swan dive into mincing and sashaying sissytude was reported as saying: “Hey guys, I’m Japanese, we all kind of look like chicks. Guys? Guys?”
The gay porno, which was made three years ago while Tadano was in college, features him smuggling bones, playing the sausaged skin flute, the wrinkled sax and a number of other things that are either too long or too complicated to describe here. Tadano went further to explain that he made the movie during his Sophomore year at Rikkyo University, which strangely enough is loosely translated in English as: it's fine for two guys wearing tight, pinstriped pants and baseball caps to rub their rooters together.
MIKE "I'M NOT GAY" PIAZZA AND "FRIEND" KAZUHITO TADANO, YOU KNOW, JUST CUTTING UP
Tadano went on to say: "I did participate in a video and I regret it very much. It was a one-time incident that showed bad judgment and will never be repeated. I mean not as long as the next time the pizza guy shows up I have the correct change. And he doesn't need a back rub or nothing.
"But I was young, playing baseball, and going to college and my teammates and I needed money. Frankly, if I were more mature and had really thought about the implications of what I did, it never would have happened."
Through an interpreter, Tadano added: "I'm not gay. I'd like to clear that fact up right now."
To which SKULLGAME responds: “Yes. Yes, I’m afraid you are GAY, and good luck with that base jump into the gaping maw of unfettered free agency and unrestricted homosexuality."
