KIM CATTRALL'S BUSY HO LIFE
MY PARTIES, AS OF LATE, HAVE HAD RAILROAD MOTIFS APLENTY
LOS ANGELES (SkullGame) -- "Sex & the City" make-believe slut KIM CATTRALL is enjoying exchanging fantasy for reality by sluttishly hurling herself tits first back into the Hollywood dating scene after being dumped by her husband Mark Levinson who, reports have noted, "wanted someone a little less prone to thinking that because she played a character that got triple-teamed by random professionally athletic Negroes, she needed to be a character who got triple-teamed by random professionally athletic Negroes."
She laughs, "I'm dating again, yes! But it's so hard because I'm so busy being triple-teamed that settling into the same cock rhythm of a semi-permanent long distance relationship with a repressed Jewish homosexual with mother issues is just, well, tough."
ARE MY KNOBS NOT THE KNOBS OF SOMEONE WHO DOES NOTHING BUT THINK ABOUT HER KNOBS? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT
She adds, "Look, I'm just getting to know some really nice people who happen to be men. I love getting dressed up to go to the theater, or dressed down to go to the movies. Or undressed to fuck and suck some New York Giants and I do mean Giants. Listen, guys don't have to be lovers, they can just be friends. Friends with cocks. And that's just fine by me."
IN OUR ONE STEP FROM FAGGOTRY DEPARTMENT: RUSSELL CROWE
KNITTING, FRETTING AND SUCKING COCK. BUT MOSTLY SUCKING COCK
Hollywood hardman RUSSELL CROWE recently developed a love for the antiquated hobby of knitting while his wife Danielle Spencer was pregnant with baby son Charles. In a show of how secure he is in his masculinity Crowe, 39, is unwilling to put down his knitting needles because the calm pastime helps him relax. As will all of that cock he'll soon find himself sucking. SKULLGAME takes a minute to salute one who won't let a little anal sex intrude on his understanding of himself as a man.
THE ONE THING THAT MIGHT REDEEM HIM? MORE NAKED PICTURES OF THIS STRUNG OUT BITCH: MEG RYAN
THE PERKIEST FUCKING FACE IN AMERICA GRIMACING OVER THE MOST AVERAGE FUCKING RACK
We would rather core our eyes out with a melon baller than to watch MEG RYAN do one more goddamned minute of her cutesy, America's darling bit. Yeah, yeah, she tried to blow it all to crap by leaving her long-suffering husband DENNIS QUAID for the AUSSIE SAUSAGE Russell Crowe, but that calculated bit of sluttery wasn't fooling anyone least of all us. Anyways, if Crowe keeps flowing us shit like this maybe we'll forget all about his tragic stool softening decline into half-manhood.
WISHED WE HAD FUCKING SAID THAT. NO. REALLY. WE REALLY WISHED WE HAD. AND IN ALL LIKELIHOOD WE WILL START CLAIMING WE SAID IT. AND THEN CLAIM THAT HE RIPPED US OFF AND IF YOU TELL ANYBODY WE SWEAR TO GOD WE'LL KILL YOU. NO. REALLY.
EARNING HIS SUCCESS ONE...FUCK...AT...A...TIME
ANDY "What a Great Fucking Name I Got" DICK was at Disneyland on a press junket and got asked
"What's the secret of your success?" by attending reporters.
To which the bisexual cocksman replied "It's hanging between my legs!"
BRAVO!!!
NICOLE DUMPS LENNY
"Lenny reportedly not even ballpark close to giving one good goddamn," sources say.
Oscar winner Nicole Kidman has ditched lover Lenny Kravitz amid reports of his rampant and aggressive infidelity.
WHA?!!? HE TOLD US THAT SKINNY WHITE BROAD WAS HIS MOTHER
The actress, 36, had been dating the rock wildman for the last eight months but was horrified to hear that he had been spotted romancing Brazilian artist Isis Arruda and actress Michelle Rodriguez (above) behind her back in front of her face.
And despite her woefully misguided hopes of marrying 39-year-old Lenny who has seen more pussy than many of us have seen people, friends say Nicole didn't think twice about ending their relationship -- as she felt that she could no longer trust the singer.
LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO HIS COCK IN HER MOUTH
A source says, "When Nicole found out he was flirting with other women, she had to end things. Especially if by flirting you mean fucking like his life depended on it.
"She was very much in love with him -- and still is -- but she has her pride."
To which a departing Kravitz said "who?"
NO MORE PIERCINGS FOR "SCARY" CHRISTINA
Pop howler CHRISTINA AGUILERA has toned down her "scary" pierced look after frightening young fans on her recent world tour. The singer has removed all her piercings apart from one, which she keeps in "a special place on her cunt," after one backstage encounter with a young devotee made her realize she was scaring kids.
"I didn't want to overwhelm the kids. I think I scared a couple on my last tour. I would have these meet-and-greet lines right before I did a show and there were a few little kids that were afraid to take a picture with me. Between the black leather chaps ... and the black hair -- for my opening stage act -- it was a little overwhelming for some of these kids."
GO AHEAD. NAME EVEN ONE OF MY GODDAMNED SONGS. IF...YOU...CAN...
But she has decided to start the new year with another new look -- and she has announced she's done with her piercings.
"I'm done with it. I love change. I change my hair a lot; I change my look a lot. But one thing that will for sure remain the same: my sucky music."
